I just no longer believe that I have a future. Im 24. I studied a computer science degree, actually got a job.... except its gonna be automated by an LLM at some point. The tools are already there.
If I lose this job, everything else in my field is just gonna be AI. Its used a lot in my job and by my coworkers... its gonna be hell to compete with AI to get a job in the area.
I think what broke me is reading about open ai generating a lean proofs for hundreds of theorems. I like maths, i wont be a math researcher, but I would imagine that killing any desire to be a mathematician professionally. I understand that maths is a lot much more then just results, but for my field it kinda is just about results. A well working feature is a well working feature.
So thats my career prospects, something i was excited about, just fucking dead. Now what? I dont fucking know. I dont wanna spend another 10s of thousands of dollars in something and for that to get automated. I have no idea at all what field i could work in as a career that isnt something in STEM. Thats where my skills are. Im happyish to do other work, but I so doubt my abilities. Im autistic af, so i have no idea how ill function in for example retail, or hospo work. I hardly function at home atm.
Now feel free to comment on whether you agree with me on my analysis on future career prospects in tech fields im just some junior, but of course main thing is how I feel about it not what I think atm.
Now theres my lack of hope from climate change, and politics. I worry a great deal. The first really crushes my hope, its such a big thing.
Politics stresses me tf out as a trans women,... i worry about getting attacked both literally, and politically. Reduced access to HRT, no legal protections in the future run in my mind. Trans people are under existential threat.
CW: Suicidal thoughts (dw, not going to do anything)
I'll be honest, I do think about how comforting a future suicide is. Dont worry, not right now at all, I still have things to enjoy and experience in my life. Transitioning of course, making friends, seeing family, playing games. But, at this rate, I think ill be lucky to make 40, or even 30. I dont know, the future seems so bleak Im not sure if theres any point in seeing it. If i make it 40, or even idk 30 even, or something, I think at least I lived that. And if I decide to kill myself thats ok, it doesnt erase the good thats happened in my life, just like a natural death wouldnt.
Im comforted by suicide since it means i dont have to watch the world burn, and my life waste away into depression. Its also gives me control. I get to choose when to die, and if thats after all the good in my life has passed, so be it.
For now, I do have a lot to look forward to. Ive been socialising more, Im transitioning into a women, its been good. But that doesnt mean I have hope.
I'm in a similar boat, though I've been in the field slightly longer, and when the OpenAI Lean thing came out I too got pretty depressed for a while.
If it's any consolation, personally I feel like AI is really just fast-tracking the disillusionment and burnout I would have ended up with anyway -- I don't think corporate software development has ever really held much respect for the things I enjoy about programming. As you say, a working feature is a working feature, and it doesn't matter how elegant the algorithms are.
I don't really have any suggestions for alternative jobs (could use some though), but I will say if you're genuinely passionate about compsci I think it's worthwhile to practice it, even if it becomes nonviable within the capitalist system as a "career". You can write code (or homelab configs, or whatever) in any way you want, for any reasons you want -- it doesn't have to be tied to the corporate worldview of maximal value extraction. Things like live coding and demoing are pretty firmly within the realm of art, but people do them anyway, and have a lot of fun doing so.
CW suicide
I don't really have much to say on this except yeah I relate. Sometimes the big issues (and sometimes the small issues, but that's kinda separate) feel really overwhelming, and being able to just stop all of it starts to seem like an attractive convenience.Nature can help for me, to remember nice things still exist, and will continue to do so a long way into the future. I don't think even the billionaires will manage to destroy cockroaches.