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this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2026
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Transfem
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But what about "being trans" can immediately make someone less attractive? Nothing about her physically changed, other than her revealing a medical detail about her past pretty much. It wasn't about her not being able to get pregnant since the date didn't mention that as a reason why, and there's no indication of whether or not the girl had any kind of bottom surgery.
Edit: Also check out this other comment in the thead for a more detailed answer, I assumed you were that person responding at first so I treated my reply as basically a follow-up meaning its not as fleshed out.
Regarding the edit: That’s totally fair. I understand.
As far as the rest. Yeah. I see the point. However, I don’t think it was that he thought of her as less attractive, just outside of his wheelhouse. Take for example, my point about preferences, someone can be into people taller than them. It’s their thing. So if they need soomeome shorter, they may still find said person gorgeous, but the height is a deal-breaker.
With this, it might just be that he doesn’t wan to be with someone that was once the same gender as him. We really can’t know why- but I’d have to agree with a few of the responses- I really don’t think I’d accuse h of being anti-trans. From the info given, he wasn’t offensive or rude, just surprised and kindly backed out.
But that feeling of not wanting to be with a person because they're trans is transphobia. He might not be outwardly bigoted, but I'm fairly confident he has some level of internalized transphobia. The only way that sort of thing can happen is to believe that fundamentally trans people are different than cis people of the same gender in a negative way. Like the other comments mentioned, the same thing is true for other marginalized groups. A man going from attracted to a white passing woman into losing that attraction upon realizing she isn't white is because of racism.
That’s simply just not true though.
Transphobia doesn’t mean “refuses to be romantically with tranksfolk”. It means basically that a belief exists that consists of negative attitudes, feelings, or actions towards transgender, or transsexual people, or just transness in general.
People are not obligated to be in a relationship with a trans person just because they are the preferred gender. Again, they are allowed preferences. And while they can be kind and supportive of transgenderism, they don’t have to include them in their romantic preferences.
"Transgenderism" Eww.. A person being trans isn't an "ism". It's a part of the human condition/being human, not some belief people choose throughout their life.
Yeah I considered mentioning that too but didn't think it was worth it lmao
That's not what I'm saying though, like my response to the other comment said a hypothetical person who has never been attracted to a trans person wouldn't be transphobic. The internalized transphobia comes into play if they are attracted to a trans person, and then lose that attraction once learning they're trans. Those are very different scenarios, and one is transphobic. No trans person is trying to force cis people to date us, that's stupid.
It’s not so easy to define though. Gender reassignment has gotten so good that it’s impossible to tell. Which is an amazing thing! However, there are people that have preferences based on criteria they set that determine and influence both who they find attractive, and what situations they are willing to accept in a mate. For instance, I personally don’t like country music. Am I a southphobe? A redneckist? No, but I don’t want to be in a relation with someone that listens to it. It’s not my thing. Yet I am not hateful towards those that enjoy it and in-fact, have many friends that love it.
Now imagine I’m on a date, and it comes up during dinner that they love country music. It’s going to be a no for me. That doesn’t make me hateful.
That some people don’t want their mate to have been assigned the same gender as them isn’t transphobia. It’s just a preference. He doesn’t want to deal with her having once been the same gender as him. That is HIS preference. And it is okay. If he is not hateful, or disrespectful, I’d say it’s not transphobia.
But I’m not the authority on the subject. I’m just trying to add some nuance to the topic. Nothing more.
But what about being trans specifically makes someone potentially less attractive. With country music its a difference in music taste. What fundamental thing do trans people have that causes a loss of attraction. The only thing you keep saying is because of their asab. That's what's transphobic, it is treating a trans person as different than a cis person because of the fact they're trans.
IDK what else I can say to drive home the fact that seeing a trans person as unattractive because of how they were assigned at birth is just a woke way of saying they aren't really their gender, which is the most basic type of transphobia.
You seem to be making “attractive” a catch all for everything that supports your point here.
At the end of the day, someone can chose to not date a transgender person without being a transphobe. Just like I can chose not to date someone that is 7 feet tall without saying they’re ugly.
It’s okay to not be into someone for whatever reason you’re not into them. This guy was not obligated to date her from the beginning.
Again, no one is saying anyone is obligated to date anyone. I've repeatedly said the opposite this whole time.
That being said, dating preferences or choosing not to date someone can be rooted in bigotry. Idk if you're arguing the opposite, but dating preferences aren't some thing that's magically immune from being bigoted. As an extreme example, a Nazi could refuse to date any non-aryan and that's obviously because of the fact they're a Nazi. A person could be into Latinas because they fetishize them, that's rooted in bigotry. And a person can refuse to date a trans person because of the fact they're trans and that can be bigoted.
All the examples you've been giving are things people don't face widespread discrimination for, which makes them not equivalent. And no one said anything about the date calling the girl ugly either?
But if a person doesn't date a trans person because they're trans they need a really good reason to justify it to make me not assume they have some level of internalized transphobia.
Okay. You have clearly made up your mind that this is factually and unarguably transphobic so I’m going to step out of the discussion. It seems, nuance has no place here.