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this post was submitted on 08 Nov 2026
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Asklemmy
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My advice: don't try to control other people's behavior. Maybe discuss your personal choices and encourage folks to do the same once or twice, but if you try more than that you're gonna strain your relationships.
I agree and share this approach. I'll happily explain to my friends why I don't interact with 'traditional social media', or why I don't want Google knowing every single detail about me, if they ask. I won't shame them or nag on them about their choices. It has worked without any issues until recently when I befriended a couple, who has two kids. Compared to other friends, these two are the most extreme cases of scrollers I've ever seen.
I'll be in the middle of telling a story and suddenly one of them will pull up their phone and stop listening. The weird thing is that I genuinely believe that they don't really register the behavior, or that their intention is to be rude impolite. When it happens, the situation naturally becomes a bit awkward because I'll get thrown off and stop talking, they notice what they just did, and sincerely apologize for the disrespect. They've explained and ensured me that whatever topic or story we were discussing isn't the reason, but oh boy does it feel like a personal insult every single time.
I understand why it happens, it's a behavioral pattern. But an adult should not have to be reminded to listen to their friends.
Sometimes I have been talking with a friend and one of us says something that sparks a question in my head. The urge to look it up is powerful. Yes it's rude but so is verbally interrupting in order to share the thought before the topic is gone. I mention this not as an excuse but to say it doesn't necessarily mean they aren't interested in what you're saying, and sometimes they're still listening even though they're look at the phone.
Also "inslut" includes an example of its own meaning.
No, I wouldn't mind if someone took out their phone to look something up that was related to the topic, that is understandable and can be politely done without disturbing a conversation. But the reason to pick up their phone has only been to scroll Tiktok or Instagram, and what made them pick up the phone was not because they lacked interest in the subject, but because an ~~unconscious behavior urge~~ addiction. Some people can multitask, most can't, and some say they can but really can't.
As I mentioned, both have genuinely excused themselves and apologized every time it has happened, and we all pretty much laugh it off at this point. They usually roll their eyes and sigh at themselves for "doing it again", it's not really a situation where I even have to say something before they notice themselves. If I didn't take the excuse seriously I wouldn't take it so lightly, but since they are self aware of the habit and apologize there's nothing else to say. It's their choice if they want to continue with their addiction or not, and as awful as it may sound - at least they are self aware, not everyone are.
Haha, thanks for the catch! Ever since I recently enabled autocorrect on my phone these strange spelling errors has started to occur. Don't ask me how it reasoned there.
I've learned this technique by practicing the 12 Steps, if that's your thing. It's their addiction that's out of my control.
Also, I intend to learn more about cults and the steps to make someone realize their life could be different without the cult. That's a tough, long game tho. It could really be worth the investment of your time to your loved one.