hey y'all,

I don't get how I'm supposed to call a friend or a health line during a suicidal episode - I don't want anyone to talk me out of it, so why would I call them? I know I'm supposed to, but it is completely ridiculous at the time.

Background - I have post-natal depression as a man, so I live with my partner and our baby but I feel pretty much separated from her (though we are working on it). I don't trust my family or my friends, even the ones that have reached out to me with their own mental health stuff. I can talk about mental health stuff sometimes, but I can't seem to reach out during an episode - it feels embarrassing and pointless. The only thing that really helps and keeps me going is the sense of responsibility I have towards myself that I've promised to parent myself and take care of myself. So I do mirror talk every day, but often don't think of doing this during an episode.