ADHD

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How to plan something with someone who doesn't have ADHD? (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 year ago by Relic5646@lemmy.world to c/adhd@lemmy.world

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I have ADHD and my partner does not. When we were planning our wedding it was really difficult because she would do most of the planning (because I wasn't doing it and someone had to and she loves planning), but when we needed to plan anything together it was like pulling teeth for me. I wanted to help out but it was always so difficult to get myself to actually do anything.

The same thing happens with vacation planning. Even planning a trip to somewhere I want to go can feel about as fun as doing taxes. We're currently trying to plan a trip overseas that's just in a few months, and my partner really wants to book hotels (I totally agree) but any amount of planning feels like I'm being punished, and I don't know why. I don't have any fun and my mood tanks and I just get quiet and a little irritable.

Anyone else experience this and have any suggestions? I hate leaving all of the planning to my partner, but planning on my schedule has lead to us missing things in the past.

Random thoughts, feel free to ignore: I wonder if it's partly because it's not urgent (as in what we could plan today could just as easily be planned tomorrow) vs importance thing? If we planned on "my schedule" we'd be doing things way too close to the actual date. If we set a date to vacation plan, when it comes I just treat it like a todo list item I just need to finish up so I can get back to whatever I want to do instead.

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[–] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 1 year ago

My general strategy is to break it down into multiple tasks, and keep breaking it down further if those tasks are still too big.

You might find this tool useful, it uses AI to take a large task and break it down for you. You can keep breaking down each task as far as you want and with as much detail as you want.

You mentioned needing to find and book hotels, and here is what it gave me:

Find and book hotel for vacation

Research available hotels in desired vacation location
Compare prices, amenities, and reviews of different hotels
Select the most suitable hotel based on preferences and budget
Check availability for desired dates
Book the chosen hotel either through a website, phone call, or travel agency
Provide necessary information for the booking (name, contact details, payment method, etc.)
Confirm the reservation details and receive a confirmation number

For me stuff like that really helps on big tasks that feel intimidating or overwhelming.