this post was submitted on 19 Jun 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 136 points 5 months ago (6 children)

Satan is actually the good one; God just talked a bunch of shit and lied about how cool he was and how bad Satan was to pick up ~~chicks~~ worshippers.

[–] dohpaz42@lemmy.world 63 points 5 months ago (14 children)

Satan welcomes all people, from all walks of life, with open arms. God is a bigot who only accepts certain people, if they’re “good enough”. It’s also my understanding that God killed over 2-million people, while satan only killed 10.

Tell me how God loves me unconditionally again?

[–] user224@lemmy.sdf.org 39 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (3 children)

And also God apparently has so much power he could fix everything in this world with little effort. But no, he specifically creates it. God created all there is, including all the bad stuff. Murderers? Rapists? Slave owners? ...? Yep. But, "Do not question God's intentions. He works in mysterious ways."

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 22 points 5 months ago (1 children)

And botflies. Don't forget botflies.

[–] samus12345@lemmy.world 7 points 5 months ago

All things dull and ugly,

All creatures short and squat,

All things rude and nasty,

The Lord God made the lot.

Each little snake that poisons,

Each little wasp that stings,

He made their brutish venom.

He made their horrid wings.

All things sick and cancerous,

All evil great and small,

All things foul and dangerous,

The Lord God made them all.

Each nasty little hornet,

Each beastly little squid

Who made the spiky urchin?

Who made the sharks? He did!

All things scabbed and ulcerous,

All pox both great and small,

Putrid, foul and gangrenous,

The Lord God made them all.

Amen!

[–] samus12345@lemmy.world 7 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

There's a great DarkMatter2525 video on this. By valuing "free will" over helping people, he directly favors evil. Man rapes woman, but god doesn't help because "free will". The woman had no "free will" to prevent it. Bad guy gets what he wanted, victim gets trauma.

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[–] mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works 5 points 5 months ago

He also kills defenseless babies before they can be baptized. And if life begins at conception, why is God pubishing babies by killing them in the womb (aka stillborn)? Why do they deserve to be stuck in purgatory when they are innocent?

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[–] chicken@lemmy.dbzer0.com 38 points 5 months ago (12 children)

Story of Job is basically

Satan: bet that guy wouldn't worship you anymore if you ruined his life

God: Totally would, watch me kill his whole family

They are both on team asshole

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[–] Sabata11792@ani.social 37 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Satan has death metal and titties. What's not to like?

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[–] seathru@lemmy.sdf.org 19 points 5 months ago (2 children)
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[–] Bonsoir@lemmy.ca 11 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (3 children)

Technically, Satan is a creation of God. Otherwise christianism would be polytheistic. So even if you consider Satan as the good guy, God is still responsible for both good and evil.

[–] prettybunnys@sh.itjust.works 17 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Christianity is has almost always been so dangerously close to polytheism that it’s laughable it isn’t considered to be.

It’s just bureaucracy at this point, I guess it’s not polytheism if you lower everyone to “middle manager god”

[–] talentedkiwi@sh.itjust.works 11 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] samus12345@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Yeah, that's pretty much what it is. Father, Son, Holy Spirit, Satan, but it's "monotheistic". Uh-huh, sure.

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[–] FreakinSteve@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago

In the story of the Tree of Knowledge, the serpent old the truth while god lied.

Between the two of them, only God kills in the bible, and boy he does it a LOT

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[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 82 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Hol'upaminnitt. Lucy stops the panic attack and delivers the tasties, and they're still the baddie? Anon is one ungrateful gumby.

[–] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 13 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Satan is cool and understanding. He was God's bitch once as well.

[–] mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works 11 points 5 months ago

God just claims you have free will. Satan is the one that actually fights for it

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[–] Lizardking27@lemmy.world 76 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Sounds like God wasn't capable enough to stay competitive in today's spiritual market.

[–] Snowpix@lemmy.ca 25 points 5 months ago

God needs to pull himself up by his bootstraps. He can't expect to have everyone's souls handed to him.

[–] FreakinSteve@lemmy.world 42 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Read your bibles people: GOD IS THE VILLAIN

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 8 points 5 months ago (1 children)

The biggest trick of the devil was to convince everyone he was actually god

[–] molten_iron@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago

the plot twist is real

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[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 42 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Christianity would have been so much cooler if the Gnostics won the cult war

[–] djsoren19@yiffit.net 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Yeah, it's unfortunate that death-cults preaching about the poison of reality are really bad at surviving through time.

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[–] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 38 points 5 months ago
[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 37 points 5 months ago
[–] rbesfe@lemmy.ca 29 points 5 months ago

Highest resolution 4chan post I've ever seen

[–] RIPandTERROR@sh.itjust.works 26 points 5 months ago
[–] Lupus108@feddit.de 25 points 5 months ago

Just rolling into the next panic attack, huh?

[–] Colour_me_triggered@lemm.ee 22 points 5 months ago

Praise Satan!

[–] midnight_puker@sh.itjust.works 21 points 5 months ago

Hail Satan!

[–] FordBeeblebrox@lemmy.world 20 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Lucy was the angel who stood up to their bloodthirsty megalomaniacal father and got kicked out for it. Why would I want to hang out with the judgmental prick instead of the guy who just wants everyone to eat drink and be merry?

[–] minibyte@sh.itjust.works 6 points 5 months ago (1 children)

bloodthirsty megalomaniacal father

Imagine Yahweh the war god is your Dad.

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[–] deegeese@sopuli.xyz 19 points 5 months ago

Anon tells on themselves about their true beliefs.

[–] systemglitch@lemmy.world 17 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Good thing god is all forgiving I hear.

[–] Lizardking27@lemmy.world 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

God is the one that should be begging our forgiveness.

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[–] boatsnhos931@lemmy.world 16 points 5 months ago (2 children)
[–] JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 6 points 5 months ago

Oye cómo va

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[–] BreadOven@lemmy.world 16 points 5 months ago

Hail Satin!

[–] Bonsoir@lemmy.ca 16 points 5 months ago

Plot twist: the calm was inside of you all along.

[–] SuperNinjaFury@lemm.ee 14 points 5 months ago

Hail Santa!

[–] Honytawk@lemmy.zip 10 points 5 months ago

The only reason Jaweh is seen as the good guy is because they are better at marketing

[–] Leate_Wonceslace@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 5 months ago (2 children)
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