General Discussion

Since you're in an unusual situation, it may help set your mind at ease if you simply open up with a very short, but earnest chat about setting expectations.

Just something like "hey, I just wanted to get this off my chest, but I'm not really good at stuff like this, and I kinda just want to hang out and see how things go. i don't know how I feel about physical affection, but I know it takes me a long time to warm up to people, and i want to give you a chance but don't want to get your hopes up or anything. that okay with you?"

That last line is pretty key, as it gives the other person an early opt out chance. It's like "click here to accept the terms and conditions" basically. Then once the pressure is off, just hang out and see if you get along.

Kissing isn't hard btw, a single kiss is pretty much impossible to fuck up unless you're massively overthinking it and going a little crazy. A make out session can be judged, but a single kiss doesn't really last long enough to be able to really fuck it up in any even semi-reasonable way. It's sort of like a handshake, even going way, way too hard or soft is just "whatever" since its so brief.

Sounds like you aren't "normal". Personally, I think that's awesome. I'm not too normal myself. Don't get caught up in fitting that normal mold. It's your life, and you may not want or need what most people consider normal.

Dates should be fun. There's a lot of pressure to "Make sure you do everything right so you can live happily ever after" but that's not the right way to look at it.

You're just going on a hike with someone. At the end, you may feel like you've made a new friend, or you might realize that this is not someone you want as a friend. No pressure to run off and get married, just start with seeing if this is someone you enjoy spending time with.

Attraction might come, or it might not. Just be honest with the other person. Do what feels right. Don't let them push you into a relationship that you don't want, and don't let them believe that it's headed that way if you're sure it isn't. You may never get past the point of "just friends" but that's ok, continue being friends, and continue to meet new people until you find someone that flips that switch for you.

I like how on Lemmy even when a community looks dead(~2 posts/week), we still have high number of interactions whenever someone makes a interesting post.

Glad to know everything went well for you, OP. I am in my early 20s and my friend circle is similar to you which makes me think living like this doesn't hurt in a long run.

Thank you guys! I will likely be deleting this post soon (although I know it will likely be eternally on the fediverse).

I had a nice time. We just talked and walked and it was pretty chill. I don't really know if I had to label the experience as a "date" or anything, but nothing too crazy happened haha. Found out he'll be moving across the country in a few months (which I already kind of knew by this just confirmed it). That's ok! Nothing wrong with just meeting a new human and hanging out for a bit. We're gonna try to do something again before he moves away I think!

Boy do I have exciting news for you! You can definitely have a drink hiking! Remember though pack in pack it out, keep them trails clean ja!

There's is nothing that 99% of people agree on - everything is a sliding scale. Be yourself. Share things you feel comfortable sharing and give then space to do the same. Periods of silence are ok. They're probably also nervous and think they're the not normal one.

ETA- Report back and let us know how it goes.

One of the cornerstones of a good "romantic" relationship is friendship. I personally don't believe a relationship can survive without it. My wife is many things to me, one of which is my best friend.

Building friendships is a process that takes time and can't be forced. So don't put too much pressure on one evening. Don't worry about where you're going to be with this person in a week or a month. You have no way of knowing that. Dates are just opportunities for you both to get to know each other, share experiences that you enjoy and just have fun in general.

Even "normal" people don't feel physical attraction constantly. My wife still loves me even when I'm not particularly sexy and vice versa. Besides, real beauty is more than skin deep.

You'll need to have an open, honest discussion about expectations if you ultimately want to keep seeing each other but that's a conversation for another day. This time, just try to relax and have fun.

You know, one thing you won't have to worry about on the nature trail is farting! Don't know whether you have any issues with letting one rip on a first date, but that is one thing you won't have to worry about today. You can even have baked beans for breakfast and just relax. So, put that down in the plus column!

Don’t over think it. You’re going for a walk and the other person is going on the same walk. Talk about your experience on the walk, ask about theirs. Let conversation happen.

If you’re going to be attracted to this person, you’ll know.

It’s possible that you’re just asexual like 1 out of every 100 people. It’s possible that there are circumstances of your past that contribute to this and your social anxiety. A therapist should be able to help sort that out.

It's probably easier said than done, but try to remember that they likely already find you attractive, or they wouldn't have agreed to the date.

Hi! I have social anxiety too. Had it my whole life in one form or another.

I think it’s cool you’re going on a “sort of” date. For me, doing things out of the comfort zone can be hard. What are your hopes for the date - like are you wanting to form a friendship? Looking to gain dating experience? Or maybe looking for a partner? If you were my friend, I’d probably say that you don’t need to do anything you’re not comfortable with, even of it feels like you “should” want to. Walking on a nature trail sounds like a good time. I hope you have fun!

Perhaps have a little chat with them about love languages (more accurately called appreciation languages) would help. Figure out together how each of you prefer to show and receive appreciation.

If physical affection of kissing isn’t your thing, do you like other physical affection? Or do you prefer quality time, gifts, etc.? Are you interested in providing them physical affection at some point down the line if that’s something that would make them feel appreciated? If not, let them know, so they can decide if that’s a deal breaker or if they’ll appreciate however you can show your affection.

This doesn’t have to be a serious talk. There are plenty of love languages quizzes out there, and those can be fun to do together to learn about someone (partner, friend, coworker, etc.).

Ask him what he would like to know about you.