this post was submitted on 10 Jan 2025
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The Onion

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[–] eestileib@sh.itjust.works 92 points 5 days ago

This shit is all too realistic.

[–] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world 50 points 5 days ago (6 children)

Don't worry, everyone. Trump will be in office soon, and everything will get fixed.

[–] Crackhappy@lemmy.world 24 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Absolutely! He has the best plans. Just ask him what they are.

[–] TheDoozer@lemmy.world 10 points 5 days ago

The best concepts of plans.

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 1 points 4 days ago

His plans are war, he says he will empower Israel even more and then as a result warring with Lebanon and Iran, possibly Egypt but maybe not, will spread.

He hasn't outright said the consequences of his actions but it doesn't take a genius to work it out.

[–] BetaBlake@lemmy.world 17 points 5 days ago (1 children)

He'll magically lower the prices of fire hoses and air tanker pilot training.

[–] pupbiru@aussie.zone 1 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

more like he will jack up the prices and personally pocket the difference somehow

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 4 points 4 days ago (2 children)

/s is mandatory, if you need evidence that your take is a commonly held belief then I give you 6,264,244 DNC voters who stayed home and 77,303,573 Trump voters who showed up.

[–] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world -4 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Listen, randomfirstword+randomsecondword, you're gonna have to get a better script from your handler, because shit like this may have worked 6 years ago, but now it's just static.

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world -3 points 4 days ago (1 children)

FiniteBanjo is my actual brandname. Site launches sometime this year.

WBY mr. randomadjective randomverb?

[–] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world -3 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Ahh, yes, totally verifiable and definitely not a sad sack in a troll farm, right comrade? Mine is from a Gorillaz song, "All Alone" off of Demon Days. Give it a listen, it's my favorite track on a completely stacked LP.

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 2 points 4 days ago

Well if you want the inspiration, then I had this shower thought that a guitar base kind of looks like an infinite symbol and from that you can derive the finite banjo.

[–] melisdrawing@lemmy.world 1 points 4 days ago

Such a banging album.

[–] nieminen@lemmy.world 3 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Can't tell if it's sarcasm, or if you're super misguided....

[–] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world 7 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Just like the kids in The Goonies fixed the statue of David by gluing the dick back on upside down, so too shall Trump invert the American dingus in acts of corporate interest and capitalistic greed.

[–] Masta_Chief@lemmy.world 2 points 4 days ago

What a sentence

[–] SoJB@lemmy.ml 0 points 5 days ago

Liberal reveals fundamental incapability of understanding why every county in their entire nation shifted towards Trump

In other news, water is wet and libs support genocide

[–] seathru@lemmy.sdf.org 44 points 5 days ago

"Please turn off the space lasers."

[–] tissek@sopuli.xyz 29 points 5 days ago

If it wasn't for the community I would have eaten the onion

[–] Cold_Brew_Enema@lemmy.world 26 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Israel is a terrorist state

[–] Mihies@programming.dev 4 points 5 days ago

It has been for a long time.

America as well

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 10 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Picard: “We have to figure out how to protect the civilians.”

Worf: “WEAPONS TO MAXIMUM!”

[–] DogPeePoo@lemm.ee 9 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Finally, the Gazpacho police have the means to heat up their horrid, cold soup.

[–] fed0sine@lemm.ee 4 points 5 days ago (1 children)
[–] queermunist@lemmy.ml 8 points 5 days ago (1 children)
[–] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 7 points 5 days ago (1 children)

The water that accumulates in the bottoms of restaurant dumpsters is gazpacho.

[–] TachyonTele@lemm.ee 4 points 5 days ago

Joe vs the ~~volcano~~ Wildfire