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Master negotiator Donald Trump to end Ukraine war by simply giving Russia everything it wants (newsthump.com)
submitted 2 years ago by sirdorius@programming.dev to c/theonion@midwest.social
22 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Trump, who won reelection in November 2024 partly by claiming he could end the Ukraine war in one day, spent his first month in office posting cryptic messages on Truth Social about how the “deep state” was preventing him from implementing his genius plan. Now, with pressure mounting, he has finally delivered on his promise – by offering to surrender on Ukraine’s behalf.

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[-] DirkMcCallahan@lemmy.world 133 points 2 years ago

Where's the parody?

[-] miss_demeanour@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 2 years ago

6D chess.

[-] werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

Trump will fight tooth and nail against the ruzzians.....

[-] danekrae@lemmy.world 70 points 2 years ago

I thought The Onion was supposed to be satire...

[-] miss_demeanour@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 2 years ago

It's Satyr.

[-] magic_lobster_party@fedia.io 55 points 2 years ago

I believe his tactic is:

  1. ”Negotiate” a deal with Russia without Ukraine
  2. Present the deal to Ukraine
  3. Ukraine declines the deal because it mostly favors Russia while Ukraine gets nothing
  4. Accuse Ukraine for being warmongers who refuse to end the war
  5. Stop the aid to Ukraine because ”he doesn’t want to support warmongers”
[-] Nfamwap@lemmy.world 16 points 2 years ago

I fear you will be proved right.

[-] takeda@lemm.ee 14 points 2 years ago

I think he is looking for an excuse to lift sanctions on Russia.

[-] hellfire103@lemmy.ca 41 points 2 years ago

[-] ExtremeDullard@lemmy.sdf.org 34 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

It's getting harder and harder to tell Onion stories from reality.

[-] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 20 points 2 years ago

That one is 100% real.

[-] ExtremeDullard@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 2 years ago

You know what would be really spooky?
If Vance came back from Munich with an agreement to settle the Ukrainian question with Putin and declared peace for our time...

[-] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 31 points 2 years ago

I'm sorry. You posted this in the wrong community. THIS one is supposed to be satire.

[-] Goodmorningsunshine@lemmy.world 18 points 2 years ago

This is why Russia bought the presidency, right? I really don't get why people are still pretending this is news.

[-] flamingos@feddit.uk 9 points 2 years ago

As part of the deal, Kyiv has been renamed “Trump City, Russia” in what Trump called a “tremendous concession on the part of Vladimir Putin and the people of Russia.”

[-] vividspecter@lemm.ee 3 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

In addition, it has been reported that Trump ordered the construction of a tower in his name: "It's going to be the biggest tower in ~~Ukraine~~ Trump City, maybe ever. Nobody builds towers bigger than me!"

[-] TheGoddessAnoia@lemmy.ca 5 points 2 years ago

I wonder if he thinks he can also ignore basic contract law on the international scale? Or is he maybe planning to send US troops to assist the Russians when the Ukrainians refuse to recognise his genius.

[-] neidu3@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 years ago

I'm sure he's prepared to promise anything to make his deal come through, but abandon those promises immediately afterwards.

[-] Reverendender@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 years ago

That's how promises work, in his mind

[-] Sanctus@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

"When religion and politics travel in the same cart the riders believe themselves to be unstoppable"

[-] HungryJerboa@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 years ago

This is how the orange man will stave off WW3, by uniting American and Russian troops against a common enemy!

[-] Almacca@aussie.zone 4 points 2 years ago

No surprise there.

this post was submitted on 16 Feb 2025
507 points (98.7% liked)

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