Spend your money, travel, get outside your comfort zone and challenge yourself. Or get professional help.
No Stupid Questions
No such thing. Ask away!
!nostupidquestions is a community dedicated to being helpful and answering each others' questions on various topics.
The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:
Rules (interactive)
Rule 1- All posts must be legitimate questions. All post titles must include a question.
All posts must be legitimate questions, and all post titles must include a question. Questions that are joke or trolling questions, memes, song lyrics as title, etc. are not allowed here. See Rule 6 for all exceptions.
Rule 2- Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material.
Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material. You will be warned first, banned second.
Rule 3- Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here.
Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here. Breaking this rule will not get you or your post removed, but it will put you at risk, and possibly in danger.
Rule 4- No self promotion or upvote-farming of any kind.
That's it.
Rule 5- No baiting or sealioning or promoting an agenda.
Questions which, instead of being of an innocuous nature, are specifically intended (based on reports and in the opinion of our crack moderation team) to bait users into ideological wars on charged political topics will be removed and the authors warned - or banned - depending on severity.
Rule 6- Regarding META posts and joke questions.
Provided it is about the community itself, you may post non-question posts using the [META] tag on your post title.
On fridays, you are allowed to post meme and troll questions, on the condition that it's in text format only, and conforms with our other rules. These posts MUST include the [NSQ Friday] tag in their title.
If you post a serious question on friday and are looking only for legitimate answers, then please include the [Serious] tag on your post. Irrelevant replies will then be removed by moderators.
Rule 7- You can't intentionally annoy, mock, or harass other members.
If you intentionally annoy, mock, harass, or discriminate against any individual member, you will be removed.
Likewise, if you are a member, sympathiser or a resemblant of a movement that is known to largely hate, mock, discriminate against, and/or want to take lives of a group of people, and you were provably vocal about your hate, then you will be banned on sight.
Rule 8- All comments should try to stay relevant to their parent content.
Rule 9- Reposts from other platforms are not allowed.
Let everyone have their own content.
Rule 10- Majority of bots aren't allowed to participate here.
Credits
Our breathtaking icon was bestowed upon us by @Cevilia!
The greatest banner of all time: by @TheOneWithTheHair!
*And/or
Sounds like depression. If you have some savings, it might be worth it to see a therapist to find out.
Hey, I just want to say that in case you did give therapists, SEVERAL times, a chance to be a solution, and they showed themselves to be charlatans, you may want to consider that they are absolutely not the end all be all that some people may sound them to be.
I don't have the answer, but there are leads to follow still. Someone here was suggesting giving your time to help others. If possible, this may actually help. Or not... Then try something else. Just don't think therapists know it all, because they sure as fuck don't...
A therapist that claims to know it all or makes promises that they can help you (esp. Short term) is just a licensed grifter. Can that fucker and find one that gives a shit.
The most significant factor for success in therapy is that the therapist has a similar condition to yours and they're engaging in therapies that worked for them. Next it's important they look like you (share your demographic somehow). Your dedication comes immediately after that.
I've seen this more than a few times, as well as felt it myself. It's a particular form of situational depression.
In short, the solution is to "find your tribe".
Your problem is 2 fold.
-
Humans are a social animal. We need a group to socialise with, to be stable and happy. The requirements vary, but it's almost always non-zero. The lack of meaningful contact sends us into a downward spiral.
-
99% of people are boring to you. This is actually completely fine and reasonable. Unfortunately the 1% that aren't boring to you tend to be hard to find. Even worse, weirder people tend to mask. They pretend to be normal and boring to fit in.
The goal, therefore, is to find what 1% you need and where they congregate, with their masks down. They are out there, you just need to find them. You do this by trying new hobbies and activities. Most won't hit the mark, but some will resonate with you. It's OK to try a lot of things before you find it.
For me, it was a makerspace. I actually ended up founding one, since there wasn't one locally. I've seen a number of other people come along and discover there really is a group of weirdos that they fit into that aren't boring. They, in turn, add their brand of weirdness to the group and make it better for all involved.
Without knowing more about you, I can't point you in the right direction. I can say they are out there. You just need to find them.
Go find your tribe.
Edit to add:
You preferably want to find somewhere in person, not online. There is a lot of social feedback that our minds need, that gets lost with online communication. Online is better than nothing, but it's a service station mac Donald's compared to a Michelin star restaurant.
You, my friend, need an adventure. Any adventure, even if it sounds small and dumb.
I creeped your post history (sorry) - did you end up taking that bus trip you talked about a few months back? If so, what was that like? If not, any reason why you feel you shouldn't do it now (or soon)?
I've felt like you before, at least the way you're describing it. My solution was mundane adventure - walk a stupid amount to a place you could easily get to by car. Strike up conversations with strangers by leaving your phone alone re: directions/things of interest/etc. unless absolutely necessary. Set yourself some boon to obtain - a beer at Pub X, a meal at place Y, whatever - and make the journey a little less convenient/a little more scenic than you might do by default.
The above isn't for everyone, obvs, but take the idea of an adventure or 'quest' and see if anything strikes you. It can be as grand or mundane as you want it to be.
Just one option among others.
Volunteer, seriously, this changed my life. Maybe a dog rescue, or some political fight.
The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. -Mark Twain
The hobbies are being suggested because you clearly need a new element to spice up your life. Tbh i always felt the same way as you did, barely satisfied by what life has to offer. My answer to this is distraction, i cannot really sell you on why its the answer its just that deep down I know that novelty is the only aspect of life that has the potential to enrich it. Pick a new source of distraction that offers bottomless rabbitholes.
There is no point to living. For every single reason someone found, someone else doesn't care about that at all. If there is a point to living, we haven't found it yet.
That said. Try self-improvement. Read about psychology. Analyze your own mind. You might find some stuff pointing you towards something.
For example. Why do you say "I save most of my paycheck. What for? I have no idea" and "I don’t want to travel because it costs money" just a few sentences apart? This doesn't make any sense. You save money for nothing yet you don't travel because it costs money? To me, this suggests some conditioning you're a victim of, something like just following some predefined set of rules because someone (probably parents) once said "you should be saving money" and "you should not spend money on unnecessary things". But these are just arbitrary beliefs. You don't have to follow them.
Or. Are you afraid of something? But kinda would like to do it if it wasn't scary? Go do it. What have you got to lose? Nothing matters anyway, right?
You might just notice if you do these two things, there is actually stuff to live for, you just haven't found it because you either had social conditioning or fear that stopped you from it.
Most people bore me.
I don't want to say that there aren't boring people, but c'mon... You're no troubador yourself. People don't exist to keep you from being bored.
Living for the sake of not dying is not a living itself. People find meaning in lots of things: art, religion, bullshitting, pushing the bounds of knowledge, making loved ones laugh.
The meaning we make is our own and we share that living journey with a few others. It can be amazing and difficult and complicated. It's rare to have someone truly get you, but we put ourselves out there because get got is so good.
Op why don't you suggest what an acceptable reply looks like? You're pretty restricted on what type of advice you're seeking. Maybe then folks can ad libs in the thing that will help.
is there any way to stop this
There’s pretty much every way. Work, eat, shower, sleep is such a minimal place to start that if emptiness is your issue, I feel like you could go in any direction you want and do better.
Maybe no one ever told you this so I’ll try. There is no objective meaning to life or purpose for it. The meaning is up to you to make. I don’t think any path whatsoever (therapy, volunteering, art, hobbies, dating, travel, whatever) will work unless you take responsibility for the problem. If you are hoping for others to provide the genius answer, or looking for some global perfect answer or “meaning of life” then you aren’t taking on the responsibility yourself.
You have to do that or nothing else can work. This thread might be a start. You did ask. Now you need to put the time into the many fine suggestions here.
Don’t take them in turns and try them “to see if they work.” That’s still the main problem of assuming the answer is outside of you somewhere. Instead, take them in turns and put everything you’ve got into them. If you can do this, any of them will work.
Change one thing just because you can. Take a different way to or from work, whether it is walking (and leaving much earlier), or a different bus/train or car route.
Listen to your favourite songs... look at the birds around you. Borrow a book from the library and read it, one bit at a time. Make the choices in your life, deliberate and DIFFERENT. Break your routine. Feel human.
Then you can choose to join a casual sports team, a minecraft server, something else for human contact.
There was this guy, I think a big shot from wired magazine, that would try to sit in a different chair every day, with the goal of breaking his habits, which was his way of getting new ideas.
I’m curious what kind of human contact you’ve “tried” that didn’t work. There’s a world of difference between contact that is mediated through the context of work or planned leisure activities with relative strangers and organic meaningful interaction. Humans need to be social and feel useful to those around them. If that is lacking in your life, I suggest volunteering somewhere. Your local humane society almost certainly needs volunteers who can wash dogs and cats, or help visitors interact with the animals. Or there are likely a number of places you can volunteer to help people who are hungry or unhoused.
Therapy.
Could it be depression?
Anyways, would you be able to recall at the end of the day something nice that happened to you, even if small? Gratefulness is my personal path to inner peace doesn't matter if big or small. And even if you decide to not take this path, you can use the memory of that good moment to 1 make it happen more often, or 2 invest your time/thoughts to make it even better next time it happens or 3 follow up and build on top of it.
I can't emphasise how badly you need to travel. I'm old and very well travelled, much of it for work, like easily 20 countries all across the globe and it has been a huge eye opener to experience different cultures, foods, make friends with fellow travellers, locals and has broadened my horizons on so many fronts.
Yes it can be expensive but it is something you will never regret if you can scramble the money together for it. Embrace it. Deeply.
If you're in North America you can experience lots of cultures and experiences like the national parks in the US very reasonably. I'm guessing you're not in Europe because travel is cheap AF here.
I honestly think it will bring down many of the current barriers you express.
Allow yourself enjoyment. Do things.
Enforce 'this was fun'.
Sounds stupid and piling responsibility on you. I'm sorry about that. But maybe this can help you. I've been there.
Try this book.
"Discover What You Are Best At" by Linda Gail. I always had jobs, and never particularly liked working. I did the tests in the book and got pointed at a job I actually enjoyed doing.
Even on rainy Mondays I didn't hate having to leave the house.
Having a job you like solves a lot of your problems.
Looking at what you've written here, it seems like you don't actually have a hobby. I would have a go at something you did when you were a kid- maybe you were really into books, maybe you were into cycling, painting, whatever really. But don't just try it a few times then give up if it doesn't feel how you want it to feel, try turning it into a project. For example, I wanted to get back into reading books, but I just didn't enjoy it. So I tried to find out what made me love reading so much as a kid, then recreate that in the present. I tried reading late at night, by the light of a lamppost like I did when I was super into books, and that brought back the enjoyment I used to have. You don't have to go down that route, the main idea here is to find a new hobby, something to look forward to rather than just existing for the sake of it.
Marijuana constant masturbation and an overabundance of YouTube reality shows.
That got you right back on your feet.
(This is a joke)
Get a dog and pamper it.
Figure out what feels the most rewarding, and spend more time doing that. Learning a musical instrument, making art, or whatever else. Also, maybe get a pet.
Have you tried getting a pet?
Having another life to care for can give your life meaning.
My answer isn't gonna resonate. It's so frustrating how being depressed makes getting off the couch to go for a walk just feel like... Jumping into a mosh pit ot something.
Find a 2 mile walk to do every day. Must include at least one hill or set of stairs or something. Works best if in nature.
traveling to Asia is like 300 bucks, and hostels are $4 a day. food is a dollar a dish, and you can hang out in parks at the beach or at home and watch movies all day.
living abroad is much cheaper than what you're paying now.
you said you save most of your paycheck.
If you have a few thousand saved, you can easily live abroad for a year and figure out something you like to do more than a job that sucks around a bunch of people that you don't like in a situation that's making you depressed.
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/how-to-survive-midlife-blues
Depending on how old you are, you might just be hitting the normal midlife low point. It hit me hard in my late 30s and I spent a lot of time reading about it once I found out it was typical. I think a lot of it has to do with the rate at which you're experiencing milestones and life changes. It feels like you are constantly progressing in your life up to your 20s or 30s and then the time scale suddenly shifts. Things take much longer to advance - saving enough for a house or retirement, that next promotion (assuming you even want one), major family changes, etc.
Understanding that helped me recover somewhat, though it still took a couple of years. I'm still in that lull, trying to figure out what I really even want to do next, but I don't feel sad about it anymore. I don't know if this applies to your situation, but I found it really helpful to learn about it.
How’s your anxiety level? Depression and anxiety are linked pretty closely and with you mentioning the expense of things that sticks out to me you might have other issues.
It sounds like a mental health evaluation would benefit you, honestly. I would not want to be alive today if not for medication.
I still don’t feel like doing anything or being with anyone but I don’t feel worthless.
I hope you can find something that helps
Idk if you'd consider it a "hobby" (even though I'd say that has more consumerist connotations), but I'd strongly suggest finding a creative outlet. Personally I believe that there's no such thing as an "uncreative" person, it's just that most people never get the opportunity to learn a creatively rewarding skill well (and even when they do, many are left with no time/energy after work). It's a catch-22. Still, unless you want to keep being a cog in the machine you gotta sacrifice something.
Also, art (in a general sense) is a lot better with human contact, idk what you're talking about that is "doesn't work". You gotta find like-minded people. Sometimes you're lucky and meet like-minded people by happenstance, sometimes you gotta go out of your way to find them (even if by saying it like that I still feel like I'm underplaying how hard that can be).
A final but perhaps more important suggestion is, learn about something. Instead of binging another tv show every week, mix it up with some educational internet browsing, or books, or perhaps you enjoy videoessays more. Again, an environment where you can meet people is better, but higher education has also turned into a human grinder that spits out ready-made workers for the machine so I can't sincerely recommend it. But it could still be worth considering (depending on where you are... definitely not worth a 100k debt).
TL:DR find ways of satisfying your inner curiosity and creativity.
I started to feel a little better and like i understand myself a little better after watching some videos from here : https://www.youtube.com/@OurTimelessWisdom/videos
specifically the ones featuring carl jung, havent watched others yet
Commit crimes for the greater good.
It's like I don't give a crap about anything or anyone
Well, there you go. This is most likely the culprit, and it is something one can train. If caring does not come readily, you’ll have to train it, just like reading, writing and other human skills.
Good luck.
Maybe try fostering a pet and see if you want to adopt one. They give me meaning and joy.
I would also recommend traveling. It costs money, but you can find good deals, and it's worth it.
Do you drink or take other drugs? Those can make you feel empty.
I was actually going to suggest the opposite, I've heard taking shrooms can help people with depression and re-frame their life. I can't recommend though, haven't tried myself
I have no suggestions for you, but I at least wanted to let you know that you’re not alone in this world. I hope you find whatever you are looking for.
These are classic signs of major depression.
There are some decent comments here overall with stuff I bet would help you. But it sounds to me like you have lost the appreciation and rewards from life and the world around you. I would wonder if you have undiagnosed anxiety.
This isn't going to sound great probably, but the problem isn't the world around you, it's just you. The good news, 'you' is the only part of this you can fix. The rest, totally outside of your control.
You need to retrain your brain. Slow down to appreciate the smaller things. Even the tiniest things. Read up on the raisin technique. I think raisins are kind of dumb, but apply it to everyday things. Go slow. Examine. Savor. Eat slowly. And with each bite think of the process that got that very thing into your mouth. From growing the ingredients, raising, milking, whatever. The process and storage, maybe inspection, transporting it to the store, you buying it and cooking it. The skill it took to do that and the history of you cooking to get there. It's an awful lot packed into each bite. Do that with as many bites as you can. Be mindful. Repeat it. You don't need a different thought every time. Just keep thinking it through. And apply that to more things throughout your day as you're able to. It's not an overnight process but it's much faster than you might think to regain the value, passion for things. Do this people as well. Forgo the NPC thoughts, and delve in. How they got to be who they are. Ask questions over time and build a mental roadmap.
That's pretty much it. I could have easily written your post word for word a decade ago. With therapy and general learning, fighting anhedonia was a process. And still is. But I do appreciate things and I look forward to things. I often look forward the most to me not being me tomorrow but a slightly better version of me.