Man gets blackout drunk and drives to Waffle House.
this post was submitted on 01 Apr 2026
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Hey, hey, we can’t assume it was alcohol.
There's nothing quite like a ten minute drive in a k-hole
Carbon monoxide then.
Its how everyone see this happening.
Everyone has a bad alchohol (or something) expirence, its obvious to everyone that something like that happened and his brain (while on drugs) skipped a track. The emberassing part is that he insists on the sci-fi explanation, rather than the much more mundane normal waffle house expirence.
Under any other administration we would be like "The head of FEMA used to be a party animal, funny", but now its just more on the pile of unqualified BS, the issue is that this guy runs the dept that helps people on the worst days of their lives.
For the record, plenty of people sleep walk, I like to call it sleep waking but no one else does. While alcohol and drugs.exacerbates it, it happens without it's help. Only an asshole would claim teleportation in any case.
I guess we all "teleport" to Waffle House from time to time.
Nobody "goes" to a waffle house, you "end up" at a waffle house.
Yeah, but when you move away from their range you start to miss waffle houses. There's something about 1am and the folks you've been drinking with deciding to finish sobering up over some hash browns next to some truckers, a high school sports team, and some people who are clearly coming down from a far more exciting night than you had…
I'm the exception. I love waffle house but never go there drunk. I go in the morning, for breakfast. It is fast, better quality (fight me) than fast food, and less expensive.
I don't go often but I enjoy the Waffle House experience. Vastly different in the morning than say 2AM when this guy shows up.
What's the fuel for your teleportation device, plutonium? Nah, most of the time it's schnapps.
It's better than getting blackout drunk and driving your car into a pond, killing your passenger, like that other Kennedy....
Sure but if he can't remember getting there he might have killed someone along the way or is conveniently forgetting thinking this is an ironclad alibi.
Don't drive intoxicated folks. It can ruin the lives. Just ask Tiger Woods.
Nobody should drive intoxicated, but rich people have even less of an excuse. Tiger Woods can afford a cab.
Preach.
I mean, plenty of us sleepwalk, someone who isn't me does, talks, walks, moves around, in a dream but awake and walking. Swim never claimed teleportation because swim (someone who isn't me) isn't an asshole.
Why? Why is this nutjob even being considered? Because he's a yes-man? This country used to have integrity and ethics....all of which got flushed after 2016. I want serious inquiry into what happened to this fucking timeline.
The worst part is he's been described by FEMA officials as their best shot. He was brought in to destroy the organization, but upon coming in he listened to the people who worked there and has become a strong defender of the org.
So yeah, he's completely insane, violently unhinged, and quite possibly the most responsible person Trump has put in charge of a government agency in this administration. It's a real shitshow
The man that believes he has teleportation powers is the most responsible person in this admin?
Thank god pot is legal in my state.
No Child Left Behind probably destroyed us.
There are a lot of straws on this particular camel
Well I've got plenty to say on it. It largely made school districts nationwide more concerned about standardized testing scores than actually teaching. Result: Teaching in Brooklyn in a bad area, administration pressured me into finding ways to inflate grades of failing students who couldn't even copy words off the board onto paper and hand it in. But all those people probably left with high school diplomas by the end of their time in high schools.
Spoiler alert: This country had roughly the same amount of integrity and ethics prior to 2016. The only difference is that Trump gave everyone who gave lip service to integrity and ethics permission to unmask and expose their hypocrisy. To those people, ethics was just a weapon to tie the hands of the few people who actually had strong values.
“I was with my boys one time and I was telling them I was gonna go to Waffle House and get Waffle House. And I ended up at a Waffle House – this was in Georgia and I end up at a Waffle House like 50 miles away from where I was,” Phillips said in a January 2025 podcast episode.
One quick question... was your car teleported to the Waffle House parking lot?
Yes, aliens teleported him and his car to waffle house and the bastards also injected him full of Jack Daniels in order to cover up the truth.
Not to speak of the lizard-woman dressed as a hooker blowing alien white powder straight up his nose
About once a year, I teleport from Florida to NYC to visit family. I use my vehicle as a time travel device, and the teleportation process takes about 19 hours, while I sit quietly at the controls, and listen to music, podcasts, and audio books.
What's funny is that when you're doing something that you've done thousands of times, like driving a route that you know extremely well, you can sometimes have almost no memory of doing it. While you're doing it you can be so zoned out that you're not consciously aware of what you're doing. So, in a sense you time travel at a rate of 1 second per second with your consciousness just getting a brief snooze.
His brain got stuck while buffering
Ah, yes. I believe it was in the Book Of John that Jesus teleported from Jerusalem to a Waffle House in West Virginia. One of the holiest of days 🙏
Let he who has not been teleported to a Waffle House throw the first stone. Did you know most people at a Waffle house at 3am cannot tell you exactly how they got there? Coincidence or Conspiracy? Chug this handle of Goldschläger(teleport fuel) and we shall conduct an experiment!
In my day, we just called that a bender
Yes yes yes, that exact thing happened to me too, just before I was committed.
Trolling wizards at it again
