Ask Lemmy

Haha well not so bad but some years ago I had a funny one.

Met an american girl (24) on tinder who was here for university. Chat went well for about a week and then we made plans to meet up. She is new to the city and asks me to "pick her up" at her place so we can take public trans together.

The first thing I notice when I see her is she has crazy bulging eyes. Like in a movie!

I'm a chill guy so I'm not going to let that stop me and I take her to cafe I like. We sit down, I order a beer and she orders a cola and some starters. The she tells me she has never tired beer or any alcohol and asks if she can try my beer. I say ok and she takes a sip and makes a crazy face and spits it out onto the floor and makes a huge fuss about how gross is it and how can anyone drink that.

I didn't know what do say so I played it cool and changed the subject to movies. We had a nice chat and nice meal and split the bill nicely. I saw her back to her place and dropped her off. She gave me a firm handshake goodbye and I figured that was the end of that.

3 weeks later I hanging out with friends and one of the guys says "hey are you dating a girl named Sarah Jones (name changed)? She's in my class and she's mad at you!" It took me a min to realize who he even meant. Sarah has telling him "we had a good thing going" and she doesn't understand why she hasn't heard from me and is waiting for me.

Then the next time I went to the cafe where I took Sarah they told me she had been back every night for a week after our date looking for me even though she never contacted me! WTF Sarah?!

Assault. Does this question ever wind up with answers that don't hit the bottom?

Despite the normal safety measures + an intentional lack of flirting when the vibes weren't there, public space, no booze on first meeting, split the check so there are no "implications", no physical contact. Dude didn't like hearing no as I wanted to head to my car and leave. Fortunately, it was in public and he tried to keep it low-key but I had deep bruises on my arm for a while.

I went on a first date with a woman and she was making the most intense eye contact I've ever experienced. It was like she was trying to drill into my soul with her stare. I had to keep breaking it to look away because it was just too much. After about an hour of kinda of awkward conversation because of the staring she asks if I'm autistic... I said no, not that I'm aware of and left to go to the bathroom. When I returned she asked if this was the end of the date and that there probably wouldn't be another right? I was quite upset at the time and called my best female friend to gripe about it. She laughed and said she had almost the exact l same thing happen to her a few days earlier.

Then there was "secret mom" who we went of a few dates and then she came over one night. She waits until we are both naked and have been fooling around, which is just about the worst time to say oh by the way I have a kid. Boner gone and I didn't know what to say but I guess she didn't like my facial reaction and left crying. I felt bad the next day and called to apologize but say it was best if we didn't see each other. She kept pursuing me over the next few weeks and we ended up sleeping together. After wards she got pelvic inflammatory disease and accused me of having an STD and giving it to her. I was sure I was clean but agreed to get tested results came back good and hers did too. When I looked up PID it said it most likely caused by another STD but like 25% of the time just intercourse can cause it. After both tests came back clean she still kept after me but I was 100% done. Not with being asked to get tested but the way she came at me about it.

Met with a girl for dinner after talking for a week or so on tinder. We pretty much agreed if the date went well we would go back to my place and fuck. We both were recently tested for STDs and she was on the stick in the arm BC. She was kinky and into a lot of the same things I was. Date went well so we spent the night together. She calls me a couple days later and tells me she's sorry but she has/had gonorrhea. As well as that when told me she had been tested recently, she had, she just hadn't gotten the results yet. The sex was unprotected and I was pissed. I told her it was clearly deceptive and I wasn't interested in talking to her anymore. She was angry, urged me to reconsider and argued it's not a big deal. I said regardless of the fact its a quick cure with antibiotics the initial deception completely soured me. She then went on a rant about how the sex wasn't even that good because I wouldn't punch her during. Tune quickly changed to I'm the bad guy/bad lay and she wants nothing to do with me. Blocked but not forgotten.

TW: Assault / Abuse

Dated for six weeks and when I tried to leave the relationship she physically restrained me (I was at her place), I didn't want to hurt her so I spent the next hour or so talking my way out of it. Later that night she got drunk, came around to my place, yelled outside for a bit and then broke in. That's the short version at least, my experiences were actually really positive after that though.

I'm a cis het white guy, so luckily I didn't have to suffer any abuse. The "worst" was just not getting a reply. ¯\(ツ)/¯

The worst date I went on was with this girl in a wheelchair. I knew her before from kinky events and was fascinated by her artistic and kinky mind and how she combined that with her disability. So I was pleasantly surprised when we matched so we decided to go on a date in a bondage club.

Tying someone up or getting tied up is usually a quick and easy way to find what chemistry exists between two people. For us it was none. Absolutely nothing. I felt nothing and she probably as well because she was mostly on her phone when we weren't tying.

We are still on friendly terms. But I think I'm pretty lucky that this is the worst I can come up with.

Once had a man that myself and my partner matched with for a potential threesome. The guy was more interested in me than my partner, which almost immediately ruled out any possibility of hooking up with him, but we were giving him some time before deciding if it was a complete no-go.

One evening after we had been chatting for a few days, he mentioned to me he was pretty sure which apartment building I lived in and he was in the neighborhood. He wanted to stop by.

I never told him where I lived and had never had him over before.

Fucking hell, that made me immediately block him everywhere and be a bit more aware of where my keys were while walking home for a while.

It's really easy to feed into the rage bait here. So I'll try to be brief.

There's an app called Hinge, and their whole premise was women are required to message first. The root issue they were trying to solve was that on dating apps, men were 90% of the ones who started a convo, and women would get bombarded with hundreds of messages. So this was to flip the script.

Well, it turns out a vast majority of women (and honestly, men too.) really suck at openers.

So you had a bunch of women going, "Hey" as their opening line to flirt with a potential match. And then we were back at the same problem.

Worst? Probably the woman I broke up with who came to my house scream and banging on the door until I called the cops and she ran away. I broke up with her because after we had started having sex she became physically abusive, like straight up punched me in the face one night.

Sadly she is not the only lady I have met who is violent and abusive, but at least the others didn't require me calling the cops to get rid of them.

I also commonly meet women who demand I give them money or gifts, which I don't understand. Like $1000s of dollars, it's very weird.

I had the most boring date of my life.

He was like a black hole of intellect, no curiosity, no questions, no flirting ... he followed me through a museum and dinner in the hopes of me putting out in a vanilla manner, and then whined like a kid when I politely cut him loose.

Not a single experience but in general all the ghosting and effort that went into nothing. I texted with so many people, yet all of it felt like the same. After a few days 90% of them stopped replying, and the other 10%, well, either I didn't want to text with them anymore (but then I told them that!) or something else came in between. I ended up meeting two people. One of them disappeared after two dates and the other, well, we both agreed that it won't work between us. I just feel like there are very few people that are compatible with me on there. And then, my ex, who I am still not over heard that I'm on a dating Plattform and i heard that she knew. That was the end of it for me. I felt terrible for a day. But that's half a year ago now, maybe I'll try it again.

Overall it's just the huge amount of ghosting that really bothers me. I put effort into the messages I send, trying to give open-ended questions that you can answer however you like, and then getting nothing in return.

Or getting judged so hard for being bisexual sucks, especially because 1. I'm like 95% straight, and 2. being Bi doesn't mean you're more prone to cheating.

Women say they want a caring, empathetic guy, someone who's in touch with his feminine side, but if they ever have a chance to date a guy who's actually made the effort to explore his sexuality, and get in touch with his feminine side, NOPE! God forbid they don't fit into the weird patriarchal gender roles that you claim to buck. 🙄

I recently changed my profile to just say I'm straight, because, I dunno, I feel more straight than bi, and wanted to see if I got more matches. and boy did I ever! Turns out women just really hate bi men, and that fucking sucks, dude.

Then I'll go on dates with women, and despite going OK, I'm just not getting any signs from them. They'll spend time looking at their phones, don't tuck their hair behind their ear, don't give me the sexy eyes, don't give me the casual arm touch, don't ask follow-up questions (or any questions, really), and then when we say goodbye at the end, I get a half, one-arm hug. And then they want a second date! Why! It was clear from the first date you weren't into me, so why are we even bothering with a second!?

Then there's the cat-fishing. Using old pictures from when you were 100+ lbs lighter. Like, you really thought I'd show up and not care that I'm no longer attracted to you? People want to date people they're attracted to! Then there's the women with the crazy contortionist pictures, and lemme just give everybody a tip. If the only full-body pictures a woman has, are ones where she 1. is literally hiding parts of her body, like a picture in a mirror, but half her body isn't being reflected, or in a group shot, and she's half behind someone else 2. where she's standing in some weird position, like ass towards the camera, but she's craning herself around to face the camera as well, or 3. Where there's gratuitous big titties being shown, but they somehow cover up her torso... Yeah, she ain't hiding a 6 pack! it's because she got a big ol' belly, and doesn't want you to see it until you're on a date, in which case she's convinced that you'll have a sunk-cost fallacy and think "well, I'm already here and like her personality..." No! it's some bullshit. They are literally pretending to be someone they're not. Fuck off. I'll give'em a pity fuck if I feel like it and then I'm gone.

Another thing to watch out for that tell you they're cat-fishing, if right before you're supposed to meet, they talk about a "weight loss journey," or about how they "used to be into cross-fit" or hiking or whatever... yeah, it's because they gained a bunch of weight, and want you to to think that if you only give them some time, they'll be right back to their regular skinny self. NOPE. They won't. I'm not a stock trader, I'm not looking to "buy low, sell high" when it comes to dating. I'm not looking to fix anybody, or date somebody's "potential." I'm looking to date a person. A full, complete, realized fucking adult person. Someone who doesn't manipulate, someone who doesn't lie about themselves, someone who doesn't have to trick me into going on a date with them. How about this, you be yourself, and I'll be myself, and if we like each other, it'll work, and if we don't, no harm done.

Also, I've had women set up dates, and then just, not show up and ghost me. What the fuck? It's happened multiple times. There should be a report feature on dating sites for this behavior, because it's absolutely fucked.

Probably the recommendation / good match / whatever the term was, who I decided to contact with a message that wasn't a plain "hi", y'know, actually put some effort in.

Straight up blocked. You'd think I'd gone d**k-pic level nuclear, but my main crime, that I can figure, is that I waffled on too long and came off as crazy. I would have been satisfied with a "No thanks."

I'd been ignored / not responded to plenty of times, but that was the first and only time I'd been blocked, so it was an unexpected bruising of the ego, I guess.

The being blocked wasn't the whole of it though. The site kept recommending that person to me over and over afterwards, rubbing salt in the wound. I think I eventually contacted support to tell them that maybe block lists should matter when recommendations are being made.

Now it turns out that I'm not entirely sane, so she dodged a bullet I guess. ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

Really poor quality of shit here, but its still the only and worst.

Once had a bot message me. First bot I'd encountered since MSN messenger about 5 years prior so I fell for it, wasnt primed for it and I was very very drunk at the time. Wasted about 3 hours talking with it, responding to what turned out the next morning to be very obvious non-sequitors. Explaining to "her" that coming to meet "her" that meeting up now, at 2am, was a bad idea etc etc.

2 or 3 hours later and it explained to me that I could visit the website and it needed a credit card but only to verify that im 18.

I was crushed.

I once met someone who was at least 10kg heavier, 5yrs older and much weirder than the pictures led me to believe. She also insisted I (and everyone she took strolls with) stay on her right side, all the time.

Antoher time, a women became physically "playful" often. I brushed it off, until one time she it did while holding a knife in her hand. I told her to stop that, or I would ditch her asap. Sometime afterwards, we laid on a couch and she wedged herself between the couch and me, pushing me off. I wanted to break my fall, effectively spinning and bruising my latissimus really badly. Told her to fuck off after that, she didn't realize that I was in fact very serious and she didn't see how her behaviour could be an issue.

Another one thought it was a great idea to scratch me so heavily on the side of my neck that I developed a slight infection, which turned into a light 'scar' before fading. She - too - didn't see the problem.

Got a blister on three fingers from all the swiping.

This was simultaneously the best experience.

Sound like I got lucky by being unlucky compared to some of the other commenters.