Ask Lemmy

My least favorite thing about love is losing the people I love, no matter how they were lost

Right now, I've gotten attached enough to get sad when he leaves. And like, we live apart, so he has to leave every time.

The actual dating part. Aside from 2 relationships I had in my high school days, everyone I dated I met through dating apps and it just feels forced. Like, we didn't meet naturally and know literally nothing about each other, so it just feels like work to accomplish a goal and not having fun with a friend. So much effort is spent getting to know the other person and it kinda feels like a job. I wish I could skip that part and just be in the "best friends that have sex" phase forever.

The fact that not every hot person wants to fuck me. It is truly the great tragedy of my life.

The "getting to know you" phase. All the same questions and answers, where are you from, what are your hobbies, how many brothers and sisters do you have, giving the same answers as always but pretending not be bored by it.

Things are much better once you either get past that stage or mutually decide it doesn't matter and just get to what you came for

The expectation on me to be the instigator/aggressor in all interactions. In either connotation of that statement

every year I get a little older, a little more damaged, and a little less desirable; and the age bracket of people I'd be interested in get more baggage of their own and have more expectations of a potential partner. I'm in my late 20s living with family, and nobody really wants to date me already; I can't fathom that will improve any in the future being a 30-something living with family (as I will likely still be too poor to leave).

Probably gonna die alone. Can't wait, this place sucks anyhow.

They’re like, a whole different person with different wants and needs than me, so like, I have to listen to them and communicate and sometimes I even have to do things I don’t want to just because they do? It’s all very annoying and it would be much easier if they just thought and did everything just the way I wanted all the time.

Not having them but having to hear other people talk about them constantly.

All the goddamn lying.

At this point, most all of it.

I hate when a person goes from being your best friend to someone who's just around after they've got what they wanted out of the relationship.

the fact many folks complete lose all moral compass, common sense, and reason when it comes to romantic relationships. and thus end up in destructive patterns to themselves and others.

blows my mind how like, many of my exes were upstanding folks to the outside world, but when it came to me and our relationship, lying, cheating, stealing, hypocrisy and all that was 100% justified, because feelings.

the terrifying thing is that now on first dates people like straight up lead with how hypocritical and abusive they are and think there is nothing wrong with it, because the internet told them it was good to be that way.

Knowing that one if us will be without the other when one of us eventually dies first at some unknown point in the future hopefully from old age. It certainly beats the alternative though of not having met and fallen in love.

The „what are we to each other“ phase. Granted, that’s probably more of an issue for me than most others because I‘m poly / non-monogamous, so the expectation that intense flirting leads to more often isn’t there.

I‘ve been in so many situations where both sides were unsure how far the other side wants to go. Do I just kiss them? Do I ask for a kiss? Do I call them my partner? Would openly asking scare them away? Do I fuck up by not doing any of that? Sometimes it feels like two teenagers in a romance story who are very much into each other but too scared to do anything about it.

In one case it has been going for years. We flirt a lot, we hug and cuddle and for a while we kissed every time we met. Then I said „I love you“ and they got scared that those words come with expectations. We talked about it but no more kisses so far.

Everything about relationships suck except for the step where they feel like your best friend (or one of)

It takes a lot of effort to get there and most relationships do not make it there

First intimate milestones are always fun

Letting myself get too comfortable and cycling between fat and healthy every 6 months.

The risk of swimming through an ocean of crazy people, scammers, bots, and worse to find the right partner.

The way it requires socially navigating talking to another person.

Let you know when I'm in one.

Apps.

The fact I've not had anything like that in as long as I've lived, and I'm no teen anymore

I never liked "dating" at all, my two long relationships grew from sexual hookups. Going out with someone with an intent to grow it just bothers me, how in the world can you know? Just have fun and something will stick.

Worst part is breakup or even worse, death. The end is the worst part, even if it's gotten so bad you need it to end.

Being around people feels like I'm holding my breath. Anyone. Even the person I've been dating for over a decade. But I need so desperately to be alone so I can breathe.

When people mistreat their significant others it triggers something in me. I overcompensate, doting on my SO. I make dinner, bake treats, clean, take care of doggo, and work full time. I get from Friday night to noon on Saturday for myself, and those are the only hours of the week where I feel like I can relax.

I care about my partners. I only want the best for them, but I'm so tired.

The smells

The clean up!

Social norms, basically. I have unusual ideals about some important but very personal aspects of a relationship. Talking about those aspects early on is seen as a red flag in my community, but not talking about them means we’re probably wasting each other’s time.

You could probably get around this with the right dating apps, but those are data privacy nightmares.