Smart move not to talk about ads during work. That way you can even add them to the premium subscription at any time.
"Hi, it's me your favorite employee Greg. Ever wonder where I go during my second poop break and why the kitchen smells like fish!? Subscribe to Greg Plus to find out! 14,99 per month or save up 30 dollars when you subscribe for the year at 149,99. Use the code #fuckcapitalism to get an additional 10 percent off!"
This meme is pretty wildly accurate to my last pay negotiation. (Tried nicely for 1 year, ultimately had to quit for them to take me seriously, don't recommend doing this if you aren't ready and prepared financially.)
I had the 8 hour day package +1% bonus raise 9 hour 1.1% Until emails stop 2%
They opted for the cheapest. People are still confused months later why i stop responding at 3:01 PM.
I actually offer a free tier for eligible corporations: 37.5 hours a week, and no extras. Just sign my ToS.
I will extract and sell your data. All your data.
Was your ToS 30 pages long, strictly legalese, and filled with confusing and questionable addendums?
Of course
The middle option needs to be highlighted with a "most popular" text above it.
And premium having a discount for x months
Discount if you pay the year in advance, or higher monthly cost but can cancel when you want
You joke, but you're just describing contractors
Kinda, but usually you're sorta expected to put in your best effort for every billed hour regardless.
Instead of laying things out like this, what you can do is bill more hours (within reason) per hour worked to customers who pay less per hour. Gotta be careful with that though.
usually you're sorta expected to put in your best effort for every billed hour regardless

I worked as a consultant for years and yeah, exactly this, and more! One thing knowledge-based consultants do is reuse old work but bill clients for a flat rate instead of hourly. It's less than paying for new work, but usually much more than the hourly cost if they were billed for just the time required to update the material.
I recycled old work constantly. For a well-paying, reasonable client, I'd sometimes only bill for the time required to update the work and comp the rest as a gift. Last minute, minor updates were free within reason.
Penny pinching, uncooperative clients paid full price and I'd bill the rush rate to the minute for last minute updates. On average, great clients paid less for work than the ones trying to strangle a deal out of me.
That's a very dangerous game, especially compared to just finding a higher paying single job.
400 emails per week is CRAZY
I know, crazy low number.
Are you being facetious or do you actually have to interact with greater then 80 emails a day?
I sometimes get that many, quite a bit more if I count all the emails I automatically mark as read and put in a folder.
Some jobs really are email operator in a trenchcoat
I sell and buy things all day, average emails per day over the last 3 years is about 120. 120 does not count auto responses from my system which go into their own folder automatically. I just emptied those last week, but it was like 93,000 in that folder. Took about an hour to delete them
I send like two emails per day and it’s exhausting.
*unlimited email plan will automatically reduce throughput to 1 email/hr when weekly count exceeds 500
- 48k
- 96k
- 192k
For those wondering
Are annual salaries a typical US thing? Rarely see this here in Europe.
Most desk jobs in the US are salaried. Salaries are quoted typically in annual terms, although payroll is processed typically fortnightly (meaning salary payments are transferred into your account every two weeks, usually on Thursday or Wednesday).
The US Bureau of Labour Statistics collects salary data across hundreds of job descriptions and reports this information regularly. Here are some median annual salaries (along with the monthly equivalent in euros) for various corporate jobs:
- Human Resources Specialists: $75,940 (€5,500 monthly)
- Buyers and Purchasing Agents: $77,710 (€5,630 monthly)
- Budget Analysts: $91,640 (€6,640 monthly)
- Market Research Analysts and Marketing Specialists: $78,760 (€5,710)
- Paralegals and Legal Assistants: $62,890 (€4,560)
- Lawyers: $159,670 (€11,580)
- Securities, Commodities, and Financial Service Sales Agents: $78,660 (€5,700)
- Real Estate Brokers: $73,220 (€5,810)
- Billing and Posting Clerks: $48,500 (€3,520)
- Secretaries and Administrative Assistants: $47,540 (€3,450)
- Computer Systems Analysts: $105,850 (€7,670)
- Network and Computer Systems Administrator: $99,130 (€7,190)
- Software Developers: $135,980 (€9,860)
Some notes before comparing salaries:
- Office workers work 40 hours per week, and lunch breaks are typically 1 hour. The most common working schedule is 09:00 to 17:00 with a 1 hour lunch break. Two weeks paid holiday is the minimum for most office workers, but three to four weeks is more common. Extra paid holiday is considered a bonus for loyalty. People who have worked for the company for a few years will gradually be given more.
- Sick days in the US are protected by law, but unpaid. Some companies offer paid sick day policies, others do not and force you to use paid holidays if you want to be paid for those days.
- Increasingly, companies offer 12 paid "floating holidays" per year which are used to cover public holidays. But there are only 11 public holidays leaving one extra to be used however the employee pleases. An employer that doesn't offer floating holidays will instead typically just pay the employee for those 11 public holidays.
- Tax in the US is typically less than in Europe. A person making $100,000 annually would pay $13,200 in federal tax, and between $0 and about $10,000 in state tax, depending on where they live. The US also offers various tax credits and exemptions. For example, putting money into a retirement account means that the money deposited isn't counted as income.
- The US, famously, does not have a taxpayer-funded healthcare system. Most office workers have decent to excellent healthcare coverage provided by the employer, and typically the employer pays for the majority of the cost. This ends up costing a few hundred dollars a month to the worker out of pocket for their family, typically.
- Everyday expenses in the US tend to be cheaper than in Europe due to lower consumption tax. This also varies between US states, with sales tax (comparable to VAT) ranging from 0% to 10%. Sales tax over 10% is uncommon. 7-8% is typical.
- Energy is cheaper in the US than in Europe. In my area, a gallon of Midgrade 89 gasoline, equivalent to Europe's 95 E10 petrol, costs $4.50 per gallon (€0.96 per litre), which is not far from average in the US. My electricity costs 10.8¢ (8.7 Euro cents) per kWh, but this is considered low nationwide because my municipality owns its own power generation; on average electricity costs around 18¢ per kWh (15 Euro cents).
- The US is less dense and therefore commute times are longer. Most people drive to work. A commute of around 20-30 km is considered average for most people. A commute of 40 km is not super uncommon, but 50 km and higher is rare.
Software developers and other professionals in the US at least in my area are increasingly receiving “unlimited PTO” policies so you take whatever time you feel you need(but if it’s too much the company will punish you) and more so this has a two fold effect, unlimited PTO users tend to take less time off, and the company doesn’t pay out a PTO balance when you leave the company. So it’s really cheaper for the company to do this than to have a limited PTO policy.
Most office workers have decent to excellent healthcare coverage provided by the employer
lol -- they have shitty healthcare coverage provided by the employer, and it's only "decent to excellent" compared to what most other Americans get, which varies between "absolutely terrible" and "just avoid going to the doctor at all".
Most office workers have decent to excellent healthcare coverage provided by the employer, and typically the employer pays for the majority of the cost. This ends up costing a few hundred dollars a month to the worker out of pocket for their family, typically.
Compared to what? Because I still have to pay to see the doctor. And for supplies. And a whole bunch of other stuff that isn’t covered.
And a few hundred a month? Yeah, good luck with that d-tier insurance.
Definitely the most common. Though it is more for showing off how big of a number the salary is. Like the fabled “six figure salary” (100,000+) is a big goal post in many people’s mind. If it’s not salary, we tend to use hourly wage. Though that’s more often for lower amounts
That's poop breaks per hour, mind you.
"emails per week: unlimited"
Just forward every employees email to him, he'll handle them all
He didn't say anything about dealing with them, that's an optional add-on.
Yeah no I'm not putting an SLA on my GI tract. It will break when it wants to
You shit more than three times a day?
I don't, but my boss doesn't have to know that.
Bingo! Poop breaks are code for “freedom time.”
Boss gets a dollar, I get a dime, that's why I poop on company time!
You get a nickel, boss gets a buck. Steal the catalytic converter From the company truck
You don’t?..
I need to go see a doctor.
I can’t find the artist looking on my phone, if someone knows, please share.
Edit: fixed with the help from @Darkna4231@piefed.blahaj.zone and @wander1236@sh.itjust.works
It's from @mildnihilist on Instagram/X/Reddit back in like 2022-23? -- someone cropped out the artist's name (why are people like this)

mildnihilist

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