225
Which do you go to the most?
(lemmy.nz)
I've just accepted it
I've been calling it my Undiag-tism
I'll only tell someone I'm Autistic, if I fully trust them
I weighed the diagnosis vs all the appointments and sort of figured why bother? What does it change? I'm still me, and have figured out how to navigate my life. While I know that won't work for everyone I was near 30 when I decided that. Also almost 50 now so not much material or awareness about it when I was much younger or known why I didn't quite fit in.
Perhaps I'm not on the spectrum, but I sure tick a lot of boxes. I'm actually relatively comfortable with me now. Do I wish I could be more usual? Yeah of course but gotta play the hand you're dealt.
I had a doc tell me he’s not going to get me tested after I asked for it. He said that useful for children, but for adults it’s more nuanced. For some adults, it just creates a label that’s not really all that useful, and any therapist you see after getting that label has to fight against assumptions of what is and isn’t worth addressing.
I never got tested. But there’s a social conscensus that I’m autistic AF.
This sounds a lot like me going through my thirties now
Took an ASD test at 17 and got a strong result, told my girlfriend at that time which got upset so I buried it. Slowly accepted it more and more next 15 years until an autistic friend told me "100% you got like all the symptoms". Not sure why, but the label I had for myself switched from "most likely autistic" to "autistic" and I felt a relief.
I am officially ADHD, but never officially got diagnosed as autistic. I suspect I am, to some degree but, at the same time, I don't think that getting a diagnosis or testing myself would meaningfully improve anything in my life. I guess that means acceptanceish.
Et Tu farmgineer?
The persistent suspicion that shit just ain't wired to standards, but having never experienced anything different how do you compare it, and if it where put on paper what does it change...
Severe ADHD here, probably not autistic but I also might be.... grew up liking Isaac Asimov. In a recent discussion someone was mentioning being autistic and feeling that's why they liked Asimov, and........ really struck a chord. So who knows, but besides being annoying, these things are also fun, so there's that. :)
Straight down the middle, Ignoring the fact I am Autistic until I get overwhelmed etc and then it all comes crashing down 🙃🥲
Never been diagnosed so I'm not 100% sure that I am, but lately my vibe has just been trying to roll with it. There's nothing really to accept because I haven't been told anything to accept or reject. I just see that I'm different from others. But that's fine because I have contributions others maybe cannot make as well. No one's a perfect fit anyway, so I figure, just do your best and roll with it.
Also, for small things, something Ted Lasso said a few times (on the show with the same name, sports comedy on Apple TV) has stuck with me. "Be a goldfish." Referring to the oft-debated claim that goldfish have 3 seconds of memory. It's "let shit go" and "don't sweat the small stuff" in three words, and it kinda works. Good show. Worth watching. That's from someone who doesn't prefer comedy and doesn't follow football.
Bigger issue for me is how goddamn hard it is to get a diagnoses.
If you're genuinely pretty happy and have a good life. Don't worry too much about it unless it's important to you.
That being said. Yeah. That's the exception and not the rule. It's usually looking for help and some understanding. Unfortunately, that diagnosis, if it's not just "for you" will not change much if the people in your life are not understanding. I think surrounding yourself or finding people that accept you is just far more important than a diagnosis. Yeah, your doc might agree with you. You might have someone you pay to talk to you. But, being an undiagnosed adult that is just trying to adult; with people that are used to you with all your masking and coping mechanism. Well, it's just not really helpful beyond knowing something you already know is true.
Two reasons are reduced course load in uni while still full time (yet another reason why non-free post secondary is awful) and ~$100-200 per month for 'disability' payments from the government.
Have you looked? Personally, even filtering for one that took my medicaid insurance, I was able to get a psychological evaluation within 3 months of when I first statrted actually looking. I had delayed because I heard how difficult it was only to have not be difficult at all and wishing I had done it earlier.
I'm in Canada and the only way to get diagnosed as an adult is to wait five years for an appointment or pay $3000. I will probably have an appointment with a psychiatrist soon, but that's not exactly what I want.
What was your search process? Mine is going online, looking for people that do it, find out they don't do it for adults and/or only take private insurance.
I had no idea it was even worse in countries with universal healthcare. For me I used the website for my insurance to search for places that already take them, plus running a online search for specifically adult autism evaluations. I had to email quite a few to make sure they took my insurance and/or evaluated adults.
i have fully accepted it. theres no doubt at all in my mind. i kinda figured it out when other autistic people kept suggesting it, but i believed it once i really learned what it is from the lived experiences of other autists. everything i heard was like "yup thats me". it was just nice to finally know some of whats going on with me and get a better understanding of myself. i dont need to look for proof because the proof is written in bold flashing letters on my life every single day.
I am diagnosed by a professional, but maybe i was faking it or masking.
Until theres a certain 100% way to know with analysis that cannot be affected by me aka bloodwork or a brain scan. The diagnosis will always be up for a debate and just an educated guess.
Brother/other/sister, you're on the spectrum.
Evidently the typicals test differently. False negatives far outstrip false positives. Professionals are looking for you to answer in a spicy way, not just give factually spicy answers.
Evidently, this type of concern isn't uncommon, but only among the neurospicies. You know, the people who have had to fake it to survive in society.
Yeah fair, but as the other person said. Maybe I've just done enough ASD and ADHD tests that im subconsciously already giving the answers that lead to the diagnosis.
In addition psychologist was seeing just a glimpse, ~60 minutes, of my life every 2 weeks. Yeah sure over the course of half a hear, but that's clearly not enough to form a coherent picture of a person. I can't even remember what we talked about last time(possible SDAM), neither am i the only person they were seeing so it's possible they can mix up people as well.
And it's not like they actually saw "real" me, which doesn't even really exist. All they saw was just an amalgamation of coping methods and behavioral habts developed and fine tuned over the course of 2+ decades necessary for whatever phase of life I'm currently in.
And it's not like i know what's going on inside either (possible alexithymia) i'm just a biological machine responding to external sensory signals to the best of my ability and always limited knowledge.
So they could have subconsciously gaslight/press certain buttons for me to give an appearance of ASD.
So you see, it's not like it that certain with current methods.
A better method would be needed, a one i cant effect in any way.
Even bloodwork would probably be lacking as that can be effected to a degree by me.
Maybe brain scan, but maybe it's possible to effect which neurons fire by thinking about certain things.
So probably a DNA test is necessary to know for certain.
Professionals are looking for you to answer in a spicy way, not just give factually spicy answers.
Yes but I figured that out before the test and clearly just acted autistic. <-- completely normal thought that exists in my head ._.
Also annoying when different professionals have different opinions. Whether I'm autistic or not depends on who I ask.
Are you possibly also adhd?
Yes, and that makes things more confusing too. I found a specialist who tests adults for dual diagnosis and got diagnosed with both, but then I feel like I'm "doctor shopping" because other professionals don't agree, yet they haven't seemed open minded to new information beyond very dated stereotypes apparently.
Yeah don't kick yourself for that. The dual diagnosis throws off doctors who don't know to look for it. It's not something most doctors were aware could even exist until relatively recently. You did the right thing.
i'm constantly seeking because I got my ptsd diagnosis first and a therapist said once "the symptoms are similar, you can look me in the eyes so you are not autistic" - and in my family there's already 2 people that are "acting much more autistic" than I am (not my words). So I add a little autism-imposter-syndrome to my mental health issues 😖
Read an interesting statistic for ADHD and depression. If you're diagnosed with depression first, there's only a 7% chance you'll be diagnosed with ADHD. But if you're diagnosed with ADHD, there's a something like a 44% chance you'll get diagnosed with depression.
I imagine there's a similar problem with any diagnosis that has overlapping symptoms--once you get an official diagnosis, all your symptoms are viewed as evidence of the diagnosis you got and not the diagnosis you didn't.
Me myself, I've gotten depression, bipolar, borderline, anxiety, but never autism and the occassional times I've gotten attention, it was never considered central to my issues (it is).
It would be one thing if they acknowledged how subjective diagnoses are, but they love to masquerade as a hard science that has definitively proven something. The field is a disgusting and cruel joke.
yea a lot of doctors don't really keep up with the science- and tbh even the science is a bit behind. For what it's worth I can look people in the eye if I really want to, and I'm definitely autistic. Diagnosed and everything.
I can look people in the eye if I have to.
I've got no idea what most facial expressions mean though.
Obviously the big hitters like laughing and crying etc
Coming to think of it, I've usually got no idea about what people think of me either
I'm in my 40's, how's an official diagnosis going to help?
I’m in my 40’s, how’s an official diagnosis going to help?
I was 30 when I got my ADHD diagnosis. My wife was same, and last year at 50 she got her AuDHD upgrade diagnosis.
It helps. First to understand WHY things are how they are, second to learn to draw not only from the ADHD coping handbook, but the autism coping handbook.
Is it lifechanging? Only in a small way, probably.
How old were you? One big problem adults have getting diagnosed is they've learned to mask, even from themselves.
And since most of the money is in diagnosing kids, it seems lots of psychologists never learn to properly diagnose adults.
I had been told I wasn't by a psychologist and I took his explanation as gospel so that when a psychological evaluation said I did I immediately doubted it. There are a lot of autistic things that I don't relate to at all. And yet ever since the evaluation, things from my struggles in childhood or personality quirks start to make sense. So mostly right path but sometimes left.
I mean I'm diagnosed
Same. Sometimes I wonder a little and then see other people deal with situations and that re confirms it for me.
this post was submitted on 29 Oct 2026
225 points (96.3% liked)
Autism
10532 readers
230 users here now
This is a community for people with Autism to be themselves. All neurotypes are welcome.
Community:
Values
- Acceptance
- Openness
- Understanding
- Equality
- Reciprocity
- Mutuality
- Love
Rules
- No abusive, derogatory, or offensive post/comments e.g: racism, sexism, religious hatred, homophobia, gatekeeping, trolling.
- Posts do not need be related to autism, off-topic discussions are allowed. This is a safe space where people with autism can feel comfortable discussing whatever they feel like discussing, as long as it does not violate the standing rules.
- Do not request donations.
- Be respectful in discussions.
- Do not post misinformation.
- Mark NSFW content accordingly.
- Do not promote Autism Speaks.
- General Lemmy World rules.
- No bots. Humans only.
Encouraged
- Open acceptance of all autism levels as a respectable neurotype.
- Funny memes.
- Respectful venting.
- Describe posts of pictures/memes using text in the body for our visually impaired users.
- Welcoming and accepting attitudes.
- Questions regarding autism.
- Questions on confusing situations.
- Seeking and sharing support.
- Engagement in our community's values.
- Expressing a difference of opinion without directly insulting another user.
- Please report questionable posts and let the mods deal with it.
.
Helpful Resources
- Are you seeking education, support groups, and more? Take a look at our list of helpful resources.
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS