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[-] 87Six@lemmy.zip 12 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

I work at work then at home and literally have no time to do any of that, guess I'm in there too

During weekends I just feel too dead to do anything, especially to approach and be rejected 1000 times before getting a yes from someone that I find out later is a conservative racist with 3 kids from 4 fathers...

Whatever, guess I'll die alone

[-] wowwoweowza@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

This is a thread where my opinions will be unwelcome as a person who had many lovely experiences that led to a beautiful family and career…

But all I can say is that the whole process begins with talking to that potential partner.

[-] 87Six@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 day ago

I know man, and I feel bad that theres someone out there that needs me as much as I need her. But it's bloody impossible to find her

[-] wowwoweowza@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

I’m sure you have a ton of friends who say things like… join a hiking group or meditation group… or volunteer… not TO meet a potential partner but that can be a beneficial side effect?

[-] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 99 points 2 days ago

My husband messaged me on OKC with something along the lines of,"hey this is probably just gonna sound crazy but were we stuck in the psych hospital together about a year ago?"

Yes. Yes we were. And I was a little bummed I hadn't gotten his number. That was five years ago and we just celebrated our first wedding anniversary. Fucker is still batshit crazy, but so am I.

[-] nehal3m@lemmy.zip 36 points 2 days ago

Instructions unclear, went insane

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[-] nehal3m@lemmy.zip 77 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

This is the result of handing dating life off to the capitalist class that uses it to enrich itself. Go to a neighborhood potluck or volunteer somewhere to meet people without prejudice. If it doesn’t land you a date then at least you’ll have fun or do something good.

[-] recklessengagement@lemmy.world 39 points 2 days ago

Same advice works for making friends as an adult.

[-] kernelle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 33 points 2 days ago

Spoiler AlertIt’s exactly how you make friends. Don’t go out looking for a spouse, that’s off putting. Make friends first and see where that leads. Worst case is you end up with a friend group, which is an attractive quality by itself.

I don't see how this advice would help the OOP at all.

[-] nehal3m@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 days ago

Happy cake day!

Joining local, small scale gatherings without the explicit goal of getting a date does a few things. For one it makes you more sociable which will help you be attractive in the long run. For another it helps you meet people. For a third, you’ll have fun doing it. All those things develop you as a person which in the long run improve your odds of happiness, and it’s much easier to date a happy, well developed, sociable person than a miserable incel. And you’ll do it without Silicon Valley’s perverse incentives!

My point isn't that the advice you gave was incorrect; it's that the person in the meme explicitly would not follow it. The entire joke is that they will never do what is necessary to get a relationship. It doesn't matter that it's a sound dating strategy; you're missing the point.

The meme probably just ironic, but giving such tone deaf advice in a more realistic scenario would definitely come across as condescending. People with genuine issues usually know what they need to do; it's just that they can't bring themselves to do it. Telling them what they already know will make them feel bad and won't make them more likely to act.

[-] chunes@lemmy.world 38 points 2 days ago

This was my approach and a woman did actually magically appear in my life in 2010. It was on a forum. I DMed a person, whose gender I did not know, that I liked their writing and it snowballed from there. She's been my wife for 12 years now.

[-] BambiDiego@lemmy.world 24 points 2 days ago

You still reached outside of your circle, in your way, and it turned out great.

Moral of the story: the world ends with you.

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[-] AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world 27 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

People don't seem to talk in public as much anymore. If people are at the bus stop, they're on their phone or waiting quietly.

Same at the grocery store. This will sound old as hell but I hate it when the grocery store rearranges the soups. Takes me forever to find what I'm looking for. Sometimes I'll see someone else in front of the soups, looking up and down, looking frustrated. I'll say something like "yeah i hate it when they move the soups too." And I'll usually get a smile or some similar comment back.

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't be afraid to comment about some shared experience you're having with people in public.

[-] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 16 points 2 days ago

I talk to people. If you are on an app on your phone, I'll interupt you to compliment you on your shoes or something (assuming a compliment is warranted). Sometimes I get to chat for a minute or two, but worst case scenario I get a thank you and a smile.

Maybe people will remember me as a creeper, or maybe they'll have a better day because they chatted and got a compliment. No matter what, I got to exist in that person's life. I wasn't invisible.

[-] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

Same, it's nice just being the sort of person who does such things

[-] Sc00ter@lemmy.zip 10 points 2 days ago

Ive become exceptionally familiar with the baking aisle as my wife loves to bake, but will regularly not have everything (or not enough), and she usually realizes it after she starts. So its a time measured event to get what she needs.

Holiday season is always so funny for me because everyone's searching up and down in that aisle just completely lost. I usually will just eves drop when people mutter to themselves, or say something to their kid and tell them where it is. Odd, boredline creepy? Sure. Most people appreciate it though. Others look at me like they wish i had never been born.

[-] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 11 points 2 days ago

I still remember the guy who commented on my watch at the soap isle and then we had a whole ass conversation about them. Kind of awkward start because my brain wasn't ready for that but it was a nice experience all in all.

[-] yetAnotherUser@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 day ago

Rule number 1 of talking with someone you don't yet know: It's always an awkward start, and there's no way to make it feel more natural. And that's not a problem, things will likely become more natural as the conversation progresses.

That's at least what I've been learning with my experience.

[-] lightnsfw@reddthat.com 3 points 1 day ago

Yeah, that's been my experience as well. It took a lot longer than it should have to realize that it's normal and the people that matter will overlook that initial awkwardness to get to know you.

[-] Smorty@lemmy.blahaj.zone 43 points 2 days ago

kinda unfortunately yeah.

swipes suck cuz one judges people based on images and text, bars and partys suck because, cold approach feels so weird, and asking the one woman thats already feels somewhat close feels odd

[-] cRazi_man@europe.pub 39 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Real talk though: the whole process fucking sucks.

People want to find someone, but there are bullshit societal conventions, it takes a shit load of courage and rejection, don't want to make anyone else uncomfortable/feel harassed; and how do you even find a good match? If anything happens to my marriage, then I have no interest in jumping into this process. A friend has been going through this for years including a bad breakup recently after a short relationship...... I got nothing to offer to make it better 🤷‍♂️

Edit: even worse when you meet someone who is good at this process. "Just act natural, take it easy. It's about body language. You get a feel for who is interested and it's just about being confident"....... Ok, black magic, gotcha.

[-] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Talking to people at bars and parties is a skill you can get better at, though part of getting better at it is learning your way through the awkwardness that happens every time

[-] kantor@lemmy.ml 1 points 1 day ago

Yes. Also, pub quizzes are a thing. I've met half of my friends on different kinds of pub trivia things.

[-] Smorty@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 1 day ago

bars just.. u know. serve alc, mostly.it feels like one weird place to go and like its the wrong place to look for... nice smart peeps and more loud party kinda peeps.

[-] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

That's fair, I've definitely found plenty of smart folks there, just drunk ones. But I'm also a bit of a party girl myself. Ok maybe more than a bit… Go to the sorts of place you suspect the folks you're interested in meeting go to. But don't discount the bars and parties, I've discussed more literature at gay bars than you'd think, and there's a certain vibe to a bunch of drunk lesbians gushing over The Dispossessed

[-] SuDmit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 day ago

2me_irl4me_irl amirite

[-] its_prolly_fine@sh.itjust.works 30 points 2 days ago

Need to get the women who do this too and the men in a room together.

[-] RogueBanana@lemmy.zip 70 points 2 days ago

The room is silent for an hour and everybody goes home.

[-] its_prolly_fine@sh.itjust.works 25 points 2 days ago

Oh my God. 🤣

That or subtle flirting and waiting for someone to make the first move. Never happens because they were just "being nice"

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[-] jtrek@startrek.website 16 points 2 days ago

This meme was posted pretty recently.

Dating apps are pretty bad. They're not optimized for your happiness. They want your money. But they can get you dates, and some of those dates can be good. I'm a pretty average guy who doesn't date men, and I could get a few dates a month by writing real messages and honestly engaging with people. Some of them were really good.

But no matter what your strategy is, it's going to have a big "garbage in -> garbage out" factor. I've had friends who half-ass the apps, and then wonder why they don't have good outcomes. I don't mean paying- never pay for this shit. I mean actually reading the profile and, if there's something you can engage with, actually write something. Yeah, it's work, and most of the time it goes into the void. But just looking at it for 20 minutes and writing nothing deeper than "lol" and "hey" is counter productive. It's like going to the gym and just looking at your phone. You're not going to get fit like that. You're just going to feel bad about yourself.

It's fine to be like "i don't have the energy for this" and spend your time doing something else. And it's fine to take it seriously, write good messages, be present, be genuine. But half-assing it is the worst. Half-assing it sucks for you, and everyone you engage with.

[-] SomGye@sh.itjust.works 19 points 2 days ago

This but unironically, I would meet the wrong kind of people through those old-school approaches anyways.

[-] Asafum@lemmy.world 16 points 2 days ago

This is exactly my issue. I don't drink anymore and I don't party so anyone I met at a bar would be totally different than me and we'd more that likely not even be into each other at all, all my friends moved away anyway so there's no party to go to annnnnd I'm already 40 now lol. While I'm not the ugliest person on earth, in photos I turn into Smeagol so online dating is completely out of the question. I wasted 10 years destroying my self worth using those sites. In 10 years I had 5 dates...

Yearn it is! Lol

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[-] recklessengagement@lemmy.world 16 points 2 days ago

Dating apps are a privacy hellscape. I dread the idea of accidentally making anyone uncomfortable with a cold approach. And my early relationships left me with enough trauma for a while.

Still yearn sometimes, but I'm content with just having friends for now.

[-] Bipauler@sh.itjust.works 14 points 2 days ago

This is why I'm switching to people born with wieners.

Just kidding. I'm dying alone

[-] dastechniker@lemmy.world 13 points 2 days ago

i'm in this picture and i fumbled it

[-] SillyDude@lemmy.zip 11 points 2 days ago

I went offgrid in 2020 and haven't dated since. Do not miss it one bit. Life is peaceful in the forest.

[-] Natanox@discuss.tchncs.de 10 points 2 days ago

Uhm, the internet is part of the grid?

[-] SillyDude@lemmy.zip 12 points 2 days ago

Most people consider the grid as electric. Living off grid doesn't mean destroying all your tech and becoming a Mennonite. 99% of people offgrid still have a phone. A lot of people have starlink.

[-] JustEnoughDucks@feddit.nl 3 points 2 days ago

I live off-grid, using one of the most worldwide surveillance network run by a technofascist.

😂 not to mention one of the largest targets of malware injection.

But hey, props for independent electricity and water and such! Those are some difficult systems to set up without running into serious downtime/QoL issues.

Do you have a wood burning stove with some of those cool Peltier element fans to passively force convection? They are pretty cool!

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[-] Sunshine@piefed.ca 8 points 2 days ago

A proper big foot would use cell not this heathen Starlink.

[-] webghost0101@sopuli.xyz 11 points 2 days ago

Till my partner is a witch

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this post was submitted on 29 Oct 2026
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