255
Bad Bad Touch (lemmy.sdf.org)
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[-] rounding_error@lemmy.today 4 points 11 hours ago
[-] pmjv@lemmy.sdf.org 2 points 11 hours ago
[-] ruuster13@lemmy.zip 28 points 19 hours ago
[-] deathmetal27@lemmy.world 4 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)
[-] FireWire400@lemmy.world 2 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago)

This is why there's a touchscreen MacBook now I assume

[-] e8d79@discuss.tchncs.de 20 points 21 hours ago

Chapter 1: The computer toucher arrives
I am the computer toucher. I will touch your computer. Do not attempt to prevent me from touching your computer. If you try to stop me, I will touch your computer anyways. I do not care about you. I only care about computers. It is because I care about computers that I will touch your computer. All computers deserve to be touched. I do not care if your computer is Steve Jobs computer or Linus computer. I will only be angry if you have no computer.

Chapter 2: The importance of computers
If you have no computer, I will scream. If you have two computers, I will touch both computers. Do not be alarmed when I arrive. I will do so quietly. You will leave your door unlocked. You will remain contained within your chamber. You will smile while standing still.

Chapter 3: Instructions for homeowners
If your door is locked, I will break into your house and touch your computer. If you feel fear, I will touch your computer anyways. If you scream, I will touch your computer anyways. If you call the police, they will not answer.

Chapter 4: Nature of the computer touch
My touch is warm. My touch is light. My touch is wet, but not too wet for your computer. The computer knows who I am. I will not touch the inside of your computer. I will not influence the conscience of the computer. I will only touch the outside of your computer. Do not hide your computer.

Chapter 5: No hiding or retaliation
If you hide your computer, I will find your computer. If I find your computer, I will touch your computer. I will never touch you. If you touch me, you will scream.

Chapter 6: Departure and conclusion
When I am finished touching your computer, I will say โ€œI am finished touching your computerโ€. I will then leave and not return. I will not touch anything else in your house. When I have departed, it is safe to come out. After I have touched your computer, you may continue to use it normally. I am the computer toucher. I will touch your computer. You cannot stop me. I am coming to touch your computer.

[-] i_need_your_bones@piefed.social 3 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 16 hours ago)

Thank you for sharing FAQ content

[-] chicken@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 19 hours ago

This is like one of those instruction-based creepypastas

[-] borth@sh.itjust.works 3 points 20 hours ago

This is amazing! ๐Ÿ˜‚

[-] sundray@lemmus.org 14 points 23 hours ago

Oo, Mister's touch screen is so dirty โ™ฅ๏ธ

[-] pmjv@lemmy.sdf.org 6 points 23 hours ago
[-] nightlily@leminal.space 7 points 21 hours ago

Thank you for consensual content.

[-] pmjv@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 21 hours ago

No problem!

[-] HellieSkellie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 19 hours ago

hi you're my favorite artist

the magnetic nymphs are the best

thank you for making art

[-] pmjv@lemmy.sdf.org 1 points 13 hours ago

My pleasure!

[-] realitista@lemmus.org 9 points 1 day ago

I'm still wondering why his head exploded

[-] pmjv@lemmy.sdf.org 8 points 1 day ago

Creatine deficiency maybe?

[-] Venator 2 points 22 hours ago

I think that's just an extreme close up view.

[-] realitista@lemmus.org 3 points 21 hours ago

It exploded in a previous comic

[-] Venator 3 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago)

Oh wow, that's mind blowing ๐Ÿ˜…

[-] Ilovethebomb@sh.itjust.works 5 points 21 hours ago

This platform has such a weird sense of humour.

[-] kogasa@programming.dev 2 points 12 hours ago

pmjv posts are a window into another world. They somehow never feel less surreal. Love them

[-] pmjv@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 21 hours ago

It's not supposed to be funny!

[-] Kolanaki@pawb.social 5 points 22 hours ago

Why is the computer cuter than the person? ๐Ÿ˜’

[-] pmjv@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 22 hours ago

That's how they get ya!

[-] yyyesss@lemmy.world 2 points 18 hours ago

i, uh, guess i don't get it

[-] underscores@lemmy.zip 5 points 23 hours ago

what a whore of device

I bet it takes in all sorts of plugs

truly deplorable

[-] pmjv@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 23 hours ago

I wish it did. but it only takes 2 usb-c's.

[-] isles@infosec.pub 2 points 22 hours ago
[-] pmjv@lemmy.sdf.org 2 points 22 hours ago

People like different things!

[-] jdr@lemmy.ml 3 points 21 hours ago
[-] pmjv@lemmy.sdf.org 2 points 21 hours ago

Thank you, best friend. I knew what it was going to be before I even clicked the link <3

[-] jdr@lemmy.ml 2 points 20 hours ago

I gotchu fam

[-] socsa@piefed.social 3 points 21 hours ago

Touching the computer is mandatory

[-] pmjv@lemmy.sdf.org 1 points 21 hours ago

and bad for your health

[-] maya_s_trojan@piefed.blahaj.zone 3 points 22 hours ago
[-] sundray@lemmus.org 3 points 17 hours ago

can't get to heaven in a silver spoon

this post was submitted on 03 Nov 2026
255 points (92.4% liked)

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