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In my house we call this kind of plate "the autism sampler". Needs a cheapass miniature pizza from Asda cut into shabby wee hors d'oeuvres.
Fine but I’ll skip the beans and probably only eat half
that's the worst tea I've ever seen
I get that brits use "for tea" to mean "as a snack" which has fuck all to do with the beverage, but they still have literal royalty so I understand they're a bit off
Not really. Tea is the evening meal around 5-6pm. If your from a family that has "Tea" then "Dinner" is has around 12-1pm, and "Supper" is a late before bed something. With breakfast that made 4 meals a day.
Trends have changed, I think because work schedules have shifted later. Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner are more common now.
That's student eats.
Perfectly fine for a bit of nostalgia but don't be a twat ... throw a sausage and a bit of brown on the side for everyone's sake.
I'd say "haha aren't we a bit old for this" while secretly being very pleased
Why is British food almost always some shade of brown? I honestly can’t recall the last time I actually saw colourful British food.
I'd be repulsed in general. This genuinely looks like something a 3 year old would make. It looks like it would have the smell of stale cereal to it that kids have to them sometimes.
I'd eat the beans first, then I wouldn't be able to taste the rest.
You eat the left-eye(s) then drown the faces in the beans until the smikes turn to frowns, and then go for a nugget-face-bean scoop combo and force it down your gullet
Doesn't look authentic to me. Those potato smiles look to have a bit of browning on them - ought to be straight out the big bag in the freezer and into an oven that's not quite up to temperature, then served pale and slightly soggy. Also needs some brown sauce and a fried egg on that plate, otherwise it's not nutritionally complete. Good attempt for a foreigner, tho.
I suspect this wasn't made by a genuine Brit because of the American portion size.
Having the knife on the left is truly deranged.
Im confused. Thats right isnt it? Its how I have mine.
No. Forks on left and knife and spoon on right.
Though I guess if you are left handed you could reverse it.
This never made any sense to me. I'm right handed and use my fork in my right hand. It should go on the right side of the plate.
Just because some aristocrats made up some bullshit about "etiquette" hundreds of years ago, doesn't mean it makes any god damn sense, or that we should have to still follow it.
It's because when you use a knife and a fork, which is kind of the opening move of the entree course really, you're using the knife with your right hand and your left hand holding the fork. Pretty simple.
that's absolutely unhinged, why?? i keep my fork in my dominant hand and use the knife with my other hand. I'd go insane switching forking hands like this!
The idea is that you use the knife in your dominant hand, probably because it requires some kind of precision when cutting.
I've found I can be precise enough cutting with my non dominant hand!
but to be fair I suppose I'm also a bassist and keyboardist so I'm extremely accustomed to doing intricate things with both hands??
Not a musician, but same. My left hand is perfectly dexterous enough to handle cutting pieces of food being held with a fork in the other hand. Its not surgery. I don't need my piece of meat to be cut to mm precision.
I'm sorry you were never taught how to use a knife properly
I have zero issues using a knife?
I don't do that though. Fork is always in my right hand when eating. Only time that is swapped is if I am carving a large chunk of meat to serve.
I remember being taught to do it the way you described. But its stupid.
It's not stupid, it's better to use your dominant hand when you're cutting with a knife. It's extremely un stupid. It's the safer and more precise way to cut things.
I agree in most other situations. It just feels unnecessary for cutting food right before eating. The fork in your right hand stabilizes the food being cut. The plate is usually very stable on a table. Of the countless times I have cut myself with a knife I was using for various tasks. Not once has been while cutting food on my plate while eating it.
I am convinced the safety argument is merely an attempt to justify something that is simply a table manners thing decided arbitrarily by some bored noble. The other excuse I have heard for it is that constantly having to put the knife down, and switch fork hands, slows down how fast people eat.
I don't see a cup, much less a teabag. 0/10 tea.
I'd be repulsed by the 'your'. Some citizen of the UK they are...
Apologies on their behalf--i imagine they're from Yourkshire 😬
Between the ages of 5-35, this would have been a solid tea. But here I am at 46, thinking about the heartburn this would inspire.
Depends. In this hypothetical was it given to me by my friend's mum after school?
Why would you be repulsed? Solid food right there.
The beans should be in their own bowl, not touching the other stuff!
The beans are there to go on top of the smilies. Creating a partly soggy, partly crunchy beany delight.
A bit on the ultra-processed side might be one reason I can imagine.
Repulsed is a bit of a strong word here but I would be underwhelmed and eat out if politeness. Ultra processed, but also heavy on the carbs and overall sweetish in flavor. I’d rather have a buttered toast and call it a day. But to each their own
Manky as hell. Still, might as well eat it.
All you need is some toast made from the thinnest slices of white bread possible, and you'd have a quintessential British meal.
I'd be horrified but secretly chuffed with that.
And theres a good half a tin of beans there so there is a bit of nutrition/fibre.
Aside from the gluten aspect, I'd be fine with that. I wouldn't eat that every day (or even every week), but I don't think I'd mind it. I still don't remember trying UK baked beans, so that would be neat (I think I can find them here in Japan, but not for any sensible price for my budget)
Straight away those beans would be potato alien eyes, and the sauce they're in would be blood from the chicken tenders the potato aliens are biting into.
Edit: Say, anyone seen my pet tiger, Hobbes?
Yes please. I'd have that for breakfast right now if someone else made it.
I'd need some Danish remoulade for the potato-aliens and nuggets and a bit of sriracha for the beans, but other than that..
I'd be delighted, but I'd also keep saying in my head "tea is tea is tea is tea"
Needs tomato sauce.
this post was submitted on 09 Nov 2026
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