Microblog Memes

It absolutely starts before that (as possibly the most heritable disorder), but parenting can definitely exacerbate the disorder. For more context, the set of genes responsible for ADHD are those responsible for producing various collagens (there are many types, they all do something slightly different, but there's enough overlap that losing one or two will still allow a viable embryo). Collagen does a lot in the body (like holding ligaments to bones, which is why there's such overlap between hypermobility disorders and ADHD), but one of the main things it affects is the interstitium. The interstitium is the recently classified organ responsible for channeling and distributing the various signaling/growth/immune system molecules throughout the body. When a collagen missense gene fails to create or changes the shape of a collagen subtype, the shape of the interstitium's grooves and its distribution changes throughout the body; in development, that changes how the brain grows, and what it has access to in its regions (usually leading to deficits in the prefrontal cortex). ADHD and autism are absolutely baked in from the start and impossible to reverse.

That means letting them fail stuff, get detentions, get bullying, etc. kids need to be left to fail and learn for themselves how to deal.

I was one of these kids that didn't get much support from their parents and had to solve most things alone. I felt every consequence when I was too late for something, when I couldn't find the mental energy to concentrate on a given task or when I broke a social rule I didn't even know of. The only thing it lead to was avoidance of certain situations/problems and masking of the underlying issues.

You seem "normal" from an outside perspective, but the issues are still there, just invisible to everyone else. And guess what, not treating/accommodateing chronic issues makes things worse, not better. Constantly masking takes a huge toll on your mental health. You basically learn that you yourself are the problem because the only way to ever get acknowledged for anything is by not being yourself. Combine that with all the social issues and bullying you experience due to not understanding the social contract and you get an adult with depression/burnout, an identity crisis and cPTSD as well as ADHD/Autism.

You then have to spend your 20/30s unlearning everything you learned due to the oh so glorious consequences in you childhood. Otherwise you just sink deeper into your hole.

I will add, that "support" includes parents needing to tell beforehand, what is appropriate behavior, since that step is failed too often. Then if the kids mess up, they can recognize easier, what went wrong, compared to just fumbling and getting consequences for it, and having to figure out why. Outsourcing the responsibility to teach, just to the environment, leads to catastrophes too. Neither suffocating nor negligence, are good strategies for raising children.