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this post was submitted on 22 Oct 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost
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My preferred version of verse two is: There isn't anything you can't blow up twice.
My verse 2 stems from when I was a medic back in the day, and we got paged for a "don't feel so good" call. We got there and the patient was visually not in the best shape. I decided we were upgrading the call to a "swoop and scoop" to hit the road to the hospital with little delay.
We were lifting that patient out of her recliner and turning her enough to sit her down on the cot when she literally died right then and there. Which of course got the patient another upgrade from the "swoop and scoop" to "Oh shit! Oh shit! We gotta go! We gotta go now!" which also adds the "Inject ALL the diesel!" upgrade for the driver.
A quick check found no pulse or respirations. So I started CPR and my partner grabbed the 12 lead to get the big pads if we needed to shock and placed the pads. I did 2 rounds of CPR and we hit the analyze button. Which said no shock. And a quick check of the patient's vitals showed everything was working again. If in a bit of a sketchy fashion.
We got loaded and roared off in a cloud of diesel smoke and made the 20 mile trip to the hospital with little delay and no worsening of the patient's condition. After radioing in to the hospital with a patient report, the patient was met with all hands on deck at the door when we arrived.
I heard the patient died about 2 months later in a nursing home. One of the perks of working rural EMS where you work on family and friends.
And thus, rule #2 was born.