59
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2026
59 points (91.5% liked)
Transfem
5963 readers
357 users here now
A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.
Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.
- Please follow the rules of the lemmy.blahaj.zone instance.
- Bigotry of any kind will not be tolerated.
- Gatekeeping will not be tolerated.
- Please be kind and respectful to all.
- Please tag NSFW topics.
- No NSFW image posts.
- Please provide content warnings where appropriate.
- Please do not repost bigoted content here.
- No posts seeking romantic or sexual relationships
This community is supportive of DIY HRT. Unsolicited medical advice or caution being given to people on DIY will result in moderator action.
Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.
Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
- Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
- Rainbow Railroad // A non-profit international humans rights organization helping at risk LGBTQ+ people relocate to safety.
Support Hotlines:
- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
- TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
It's okay to have dating preferences, but it can be really isolating when you're in that preferential minority. I think we have to be careful with expressing that in spaces that include cis folks, because it can absolutely fester into transphobia, but it's basically understandable to be discouraged about stuff like this. Overall, I wish there was more leeway and empathy toward trans people who express they're lonely without defensive cis people interpreting that as "trans people insist that you must be attracted to them or you're a transphobe" (which most of us aren't saying), but we're definitely not there yet. And while acknowledging that, maybe we do need to have thicker skin when some trans allies aren't attracted to us. Beauty's in the eye of the beholder, and there's someone for everyone.
Another example I think is more apt is a Pew Research study I saw a while back that said majorities of liberals acknowledged trans people were a marginalized group, and majorities also acknowledged that we should have more rights, yet most of the same people in that category believed that gender is determined by sex at birth. And I guess it's up for debate on the degree to which those people are genuinely allies. (Edit: Source!)
I think a lot of this stuff is generational and once social acceptance increases to the point where more people transition younger on average, and also once young cis people are brought up in that era of social acceptance and positive exposure, we'll see more genuine acceptance that trans people are their gender identity, but only future generations may benefit. But just because most these days don't see trans people as their identified gender, there are definitely the wonderful ones who do, and maybe we should be screening for those people instead of fixating on the ones who aren't interested.
Honestly the issue wasn't as much the date as it was the replies to the post though. Like it was shitty of the guy to reject a girl he was otherwise entirely attracted to because of the fact she was trans, but it was just the lack of empathy in the comments and the way they defended the guy rather than expressing sympathy that really struck me the wrong way.
I do think not wanting to date any trans person is transphobic though imo. All of the common arguments people make to justify it are things that either aren't true of every trans person or are things that can also apply to cis people of the same gender too. Its obviously not "you have to be attracted to me or you're transphobic" but if you're willing to completely claim you'd not be attracted to a single member of a minority it comes from internalized bigotry imo. The same thing would be true for people of color or any other marginalized group too. I feel like the situation in the post is pretty similar to if a man was on a date with a women who was white passing, and once he found out she wasn't actually white was suddenly not attracted to her. I couldn't read that as any way but racism the same way I can't read the man she was on a date with going from very attracted to no attraction on a dime as anything but transphobia.
I see what you mean, and hope my reply didn't come off wrong. I was just saying it's very difficult to broach this conversation with cis people without statements being misinterpreted and feelings being hurt, and was trying to steelman both sides of the issue.
Back when I was on Reddit, I remember seeing exactly the types of posts you're talking about, and then the dumpster fire that would ensue in the comments. And this would finally culminate in a another suspiciously timed post titled something like "It's okay to not be attracted to trans people" that would get hundreds or even thousands of bipartisan upvotes, along with a lot of trans-bashing, insinuations of trans people being pushy and predatory, people posting memes that they're sorting by controversial, all with the original context long forgotten by the discourse it grew into.
I'm so happy not to be on Reddit anymore. Like many things, I don't think this kind of discussion really lends itself very well to social media in our current climate.
Yeah no you're good I didn't take your reply in a bad way don't worry, I was 100% just continuing to vent haha. And yeah it was a reddit post lmao (I basically only use redlib to read a couple of the trans communities and there was a different post in one of them venting about it that made me see it in the first place). It is definitely something where going outside of actual trans spaces and reading discussions about trans issues, even in "trans inclusive" ones, really sucks I think, I try not to do it often but it's hard to resist sometimes even when I know it will just make me feel bad lol.