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this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2026
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Transfem
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Honestly the issue wasn't as much the date as it was the replies to the post though. Like it was shitty of the guy to reject a girl he was otherwise entirely attracted to because of the fact she was trans, but it was just the lack of empathy in the comments and the way they defended the guy rather than expressing sympathy that really struck me the wrong way.
I do think not wanting to date any trans person is transphobic though imo. All of the common arguments people make to justify it are things that either aren't true of every trans person or are things that can also apply to cis people of the same gender too. Its obviously not "you have to be attracted to me or you're transphobic" but if you're willing to completely claim you'd not be attracted to a single member of a minority it comes from internalized bigotry imo. The same thing would be true for people of color or any other marginalized group too. I feel like the situation in the post is pretty similar to if a man was on a date with a women who was white passing, and once he found out she wasn't actually white was suddenly not attracted to her. I couldn't read that as any way but racism the same way I can't read the man she was on a date with going from very attracted to no attraction on a dime as anything but transphobia.
I see what you mean, and hope my reply didn't come off wrong. I was just saying it's very difficult to broach this conversation with cis people without statements being misinterpreted and feelings being hurt, and was trying to steelman both sides of the issue.
Back when I was on Reddit, I remember seeing exactly the types of posts you're talking about, and then the dumpster fire that would ensue in the comments. And this would finally culminate in a another suspiciously timed post titled something like "It's okay to not be attracted to trans people" that would get hundreds or even thousands of bipartisan upvotes, along with a lot of trans-bashing, insinuations of trans people being pushy and predatory, people posting memes that they're sorting by controversial, all with the original context long forgotten by the discourse it grew into.
I'm so happy not to be on Reddit anymore. Like many things, I don't think this kind of discussion really lends itself very well to social media in our current climate.
Yeah no you're good I didn't take your reply in a bad way don't worry, I was 100% just continuing to vent haha. And yeah it was a reddit post lmao (I basically only use redlib to read a couple of the trans communities and there was a different post in one of them venting about it that made me see it in the first place). It is definitely something where going outside of actual trans spaces and reading discussions about trans issues, even in "trans inclusive" ones, really sucks I think, I try not to do it often but it's hard to resist sometimes even when I know it will just make me feel bad lol.