this post was submitted on 08 Nov 2023
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LOL
I tend to think big thoughts often, it is just the way I am. I could be far more esoteric; but I digress.
Early in my "adulthood" I was very depressed, I flirted with ideas of suicide often. Until one day; I had been ignoring my health and was sick, but still went out drinking and parting with some friends. I was always looking for external validation. Next morning I was walking home sick, with shit running down my leg, hungover in the freezing rain in clothes that were not suited to being in the rain. I decided at that point that I was going to end it when I got home....suffice to say, the walk home helped clear my head.
I realized that always trying to be happy and chasing happiness didn't work for me. From then on I was still depressed, but got better surprisingly quickly.