this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2026
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Autism

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Emotions and conflict (aussie.zone)
submitted 3 days ago by minty@aussie.zone to c/autism@lemmy.world
9 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Hellooo!

I was wondering if anyone else experiences this.

During some sort of argument or really just discussing anything with emotion, my emotions become overwhelming. My voice start shaking, I cry and I am quickly unable to speak. Not great for relationships. This also causes me to go to great lengths to avoid conflict.

Is this a typical in autistic folk? Or is it unrelated? I am just looking to try and explain whats happening

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[–] Zarobi@aussie.zone 1 points 1 day ago

This also happens to me, but I've noticed it's only a very specific combination of factors that triggers it.

  • It has to be a high stakes engagement. Something that matters deeply to me.
  • It has to be addressed now, no delaying or waiting until I calm down. Either because it's time critical or the other person refuses to let me disengage and follows me.
  • Talking is the only option. There's no other solution to this confrontation than words. I'm not good at words so this stresses me out.
  • The other person has all the power in this confrontation. If I do nothing, they "win" by default
  • The other person doesn't agree with me, and no matter what I say, it's not working.

So really it only happens for me when I'm backed into a corner and have to talk my way out. I get upset because it's actually an unwinnable war. Actually, typing this out makes me feel a bit better about it, because it's obvious there was never going to be a good outcome in those kinds of "discussions" anyway.

[–] quickenparalysespunk@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 3 days ago (1 children)

from what I've learned it's not typical of autism directly, but a typical pattern of people with PTSD and RSD tied into social and relationship experiences. PTSD in turn is common among autistic people and all Neurodivergents, and RSD is common among AuDHDers (and of course ADHDers).

i also get overwhelmed quickly in emotionally sensitive discussions, or even discussions about the topic of emotions.

[–] minty@aussie.zone 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Hmmm ok. I did talk to my brother and he has the same thing, and as far as im aware he isnt autistic/ADHD. Our parents argued a lot so maybe its from that lol

[–] quickenparalysespunk@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 3 days ago

your initial instinct that the conditions are related is not an invalid one. so so so many things surrounding Neurodivergence turn out to be "both ___ and ___"

it also runs in families, so yeah.

if you haven't already, check out Neurodivergent Insights on YouTube. and Divergent Conversations, also YT. both feature Dr Neff who has so much great info, and the interview guests are amazing as well.

[–] sad_detective_man@sopuli.xyz 7 points 3 days ago

Yeah, the diagnosis goes "trouble processing emotion", not " has no emotion". Being overwhelmed by conflict comes with the territory

[–] uzziah0@lemmy.world 3 points 3 days ago

In arguments with my wife, where I've felt backed into a corner, I've giggled. Couldn't help it. Couldn't stop it. That became another discussion, she was understanding.

[–] manuremy@sopuli.xyz 2 points 3 days ago

Kinda same here. I might start crying from frustration and this causes many issues, mainly it makes people misunderstand the whole situation. And trying to explain anything after that is pretty much impossible, except with my fiancé.

[–] LongLive@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Has there been an opportunity to "pause" the argument? to put it on hold?

I would suggest that so as to have an opportunity to feel/recover in a low-pressure environment.

I understand this is probably a rare and unfamiliar occurance, still I urge to experiment.

[–] minty@aussie.zone 1 points 3 days ago

In my previous relationship we did that, as my ex was even more conflict adverse, so we decided arguments can take as long as we want (could transition the argument to text).

It worked well enough I suppose.

But yeah, it doesnt pop up much