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I'm really sorry everyone...this is all my own damn fault, I'm not denying that in the slightest.

spoilerI was planning to die today. But I guess I'm not even capable of doing that.
This is all because I'm such an overdramatic, pathetic loser, an excuse for a human being. After an appointment with a new psychiatrist where her first question was "What is your deadname?" and after she told me I "started HRT late", I just fell into a deeper spiral. Now there's uncertainty if I'll even be able to go to Thailand for SRS, which made me full on suicidal upon finding out, so I just kinda...broke.
And there's the constant regret of not starting sooner, constant self-deprecating and loathing from feeling like I'll never be a woman. Hating my face and body every single waking second.
I'm just...depressed and not doing well right now. And I'm making it everybody's problem.

I'm sorry, but I guess I'm sticking around. I'm not dead just yet. I'm making a new account and starting over. But...at least, maybe you'll believe me now that I'm not actually a good person?
I'm really sorry. I'm actually the worst. I know that.

Maybe I should have died. Maybe. But...instead I guess I'll bother you all some more, again, from zero.
I'm sorry for being such an unimaginable fuckup...

Sincerely,
a very depressed trans girl,
Miisha

(page 2) 34 comments
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[-] Burn_The_Right@lemmy.today 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Girl, don't delete the damned account! (Oh, nvrmnd, too late. But at least you replaced it with Miisha). We're just getting to know you! And you are loveable as fuck. You are being yourself and sharing the real you. It's amazing and wonderful. Don't toss that aside. The world needs that in it. We need you in it.

Your apologies are to no one, because they aren't needed by anyone. We just want you to stay here and become the woman you don't realize you can be. There are countless stories of trans women becoming the women they want to be after years of being sure they could never achieve that. That's a thing. You are in it and you will have that story to help others with when you become the woman you want to be. You just don't believe it yet, and that's the most important part of the story. So good. I'm glad you don't believe it yet. That will make your story even more helpful to the people who need to hear it in the future.

Stay here and be amazing. Right now that just means being your authentic self. You need to be nice to yourself, and give yourself time and space to grow. It was tough growing up once. Now you get to do it again, so let's actually make it fun this time. It's possible. I promise.

Also, get a new therapist. This one sounds dumb as fuck. I just want to sit around and talk shit about them with future you.

The world is filled with terrible people. You ain't one of 'em. Your existence dilutes the asshole ratio and therefore improves the lives of everyone around you. Depression makes that very hard to see. Let's address this depression by finding the right therapist. You might have to go to a dozen of them to find the perfect one for you. But that will be the most important shopping you ever do in your life. Totally worth it!

Ok, now take two shrooms and call me in the morning.

[-] hildegarde@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 week ago

Welcome back. We love you, we love having you here. You are a good person. The only bad person in this story is that psychiatrist.

[-] Miisha@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 week ago

Thank you 💜
Yeah, she's not the best...I'll try to find another one

[-] Tess@piefed.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 week ago

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. And seriously, fuck that psychiatrist. You'd think especially someone like that would be a bit more tactful in choosing their words 😒

I'm not very good with uplifting words, or good advice. But I just want you to know that you're a wonderful woman, and I'm always happy to have you around. ❤️
You're nothing of those awful things you claim to be, and I hope you'll get to see that about yourself again soon.

Miisha, honey, you are loved and valid and absolutely 100% a woman. And I’ve heard you say so many times that you’re ugly, and you very much are not! There is no such thing as too late to start HRT, and that new psychiatrist sounds awful. I’m glad you’re alive and here, and I hope you stick around ❤️

[-] ImgurRefugee114@reddthat.com 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Yeah, yeah, just put the yaoi pictures in the bag /s

I'm an internet rando here of you ever need to talk

[-] Miisha@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 week ago

I see my past is catching up to me 😂
These days, instead of yaoi pictures, it's mainly boob pictures, horny oversharing, nudes, more boob pictures and memes :3
Thanks tho. That's actually super nice of you 💜

[-] bonsai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 week ago

Never apologize for being alive. We're glad you're still here. You are a beautiful woman ❤️

[-] chattre@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 week ago

missed u Miisha... I know I'm still relatively new to all this as well but I still wanna give u a hug ❤️

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this post was submitted on 25 Sep 2026
52 points (93.3% liked)

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