My struggles are different from yours: Seven heart attacks, a saddle pulmonary embolism, below-knee amputation, kidney failure so I am on dialysis. Just the barest touch so I don't waste your time with a novel. :)

My ex friend once experienced heart attack when he was in a store. I was somewhere else, so I did not had chance to see it or do anything about. That is just awful, awful. Horrible. It should not happened to you or anyone else :(

So you do want to try and work towards bettering your future, just don't waste all your time fantasizing about what might happen or what you might want. Plan, yes. Work toward, yes. But do not lose sight of today.

Mh.. I might be guilty of that... A lot.

Try to find the joy in little things, in everyday things. One of the things I like to do is try to make people laugh, if I can

I actually also joke a lot like that, people even laughing. Except one time when someone told that my jokes are very... self hurting? Like I might say too many bad things about myself that becomes punchlines. I sometimes think, that I might need to stop joking, because I am not great at reading room..

I'm 51, and with my health issues, I probably won't live to see 60

I would say, that you are sounds like person who will outlive me 😎

Acknowledge the bad, but also try to acknowledge the good: Do you have food? Shelter?

Yeah, but bad things always manage to outshine good things :(

It's hard. And everyone is different. I've just tried to explain how I try to look at life, and I hope some of that might help you. I apologize for the bits that are unhelpful and annoying. But I hope things get better for you

Mh.. Yeah, things that are out of my control, I can not do much about them, I should just focus on what I can do.

But life are really cruel like that, sometimes even cartoonishly cruel.

But I do enjoyed reading about your perspective on life.

But it is going to take so much of me to accept this, so it would not going to be fast

I hope you don't give up.

Huh. Maybe I would not and you all will hear again about me but as famous rock star 😎

Thank you

Ukrainian?

Yeah, for better or worse.

it's much relief to you.

Sadly. But if it makes them feel at least slightly relieved, then maybe it was at least worth it, after all.

But thanks for reading.

I’m homeless because the US is… a mess and my family is the opposite of helpful.

At the very least, I have place to live. I could not imagine what it is to be like when you do not have safety where you can just be and be yourself without being observed...

I do post occasionally. There’s a couple posts on my old lemmy account, a few on my old reddit, and many more on my old instagram.

I should then check them out. Thanks.

Drawing is a good option. I’ve always struggled with it personally, but I am trying again recently.

I found out myself that using some specific type of paint and paper (or digital instead) could make it easier to enjoy drawing. I am not big fan of pencils, or watercolors, or office papers, but Gouache and watercolor paper (I think they have 2 types of them: "cold pressed" and "hit pressed", which affects texture and how paint interacts with paper) to be more enjoyable.

I imagine your spoken english is similar although it’s probably slow

It is more to remember words, because there so many. And how to pronounce them. I have defects which prevents me to say certain letters (like "r") and my accent is sehr strong. If you ever heard how Slav people speak — you probably know how it sounds.

Obviously I don’t know your language, but the phrase you’ve given seems to have a dual meaning

You are not the first person who say that to me... It is Ukrainian and Russian, where phrases like that is... Well, normal. We have many of them.

For example, there is this great saying "спасение утопающих - дело рук самих утопающих" which translates to "saving the drowning people — is in their own hands", meaning that if you can not help yourself — nobody will.

On one hand it seems to express a kinda of hopeless futility, but it also reads to me in a more positive way too. If ever said “I can’t breathe enough before I die” I would only say that to express that there’s so much I want to do and so little time to do it.

That is interesting perspective, because it used mostly as "hopeless" and also as "stop enjoying this, you would not be able to satisfy yourself enough anyway". It is can be told to person who trying to avoid something inevitable, trying to enjoy what is good left for them. E.g. "

• hey, wake up. It is 7:00, time prepare to go to work.
• Give me 5 more minutes.
• You would not be able to breath enough air before you die anyway, so GET UP now!" " It sounds very bothered in my translation, but it makes sense in original.

I had to go through a seriously dark period to get to this mindset, but I did get through it. I wasn’t hopeful or optimistic while I was dealing with it, but I kept going anyway.

You seems to be strong, which do makes me more inspired.

First: sorry man. That all sucks hard

Danke :)

Depending on where you wanna go, your English is already fine, so you would have no trouble in most European countries, as most of us speak it. The rest will come.

I am in Germany. It seems Englisch is not something that is valued in any official place:( The Jobcenter is, probably, the worst of them all, when it comes to helping people who are not speaking Deutsch yet.

I once was trying to help my friend with first Termin in their Jobcenter, since they do not speak neither English nor Deutsch. Their Berator had good Englisch (at least by my standards) but she refused to drop her Deutsch for solid 10 minutes, even despite the fact they we did not understand 90 % of her words. Seems to be systematic issue :(

So it is either that or only learn this language, which appears to be quite the task... Aber ich liebe Deutschland.

Like, get help! Professional and maybe some support-group.

But I do not know where to find one, given my limited language knowledge (And while I speak 3 Sprache, neither of them is that valued here)..

That and just getting increasingly exhausted, especially Sprachkurs. Your language seems to be really complex and nuanced :(

I work voluntarily in a shelter for people who got fucked by life. Mostly by other people. I have heard my fair share of lifes going down the drain seemingly. But most actually do manage to live comfortably. With help.

Could you tell me more?

One universal help is: radical acceptance. Basically means: You cannot change some things, so dont waste your time worrying about them. Focus on what you CAN change and try to do it. Sounds simple, but isn't.

Huh.. You are the second person to tell me that. Or drei? Maybe i just never learned how to just... Accept things :( Being unable to fix something is scary...

Out of curiosity... Ukrainian?

Yep. For better or worse, but that who am I. Ich komme aus der Ukraine.

Hard to give better tips, not even knowing where you are right now and what your realistic options are.

Currently staying in Deutschland thanks to Paragraph 24, which, as far I understand, was extended today for Ukrainians.

And thank you... Vier? For replying and reading all of that. Vielen dank

At a certain point, it all gets to be pretty absurd how bad things can get, and so quickly!

:( I suppose I learned about it in a very painful and hard way. Not sure what conclusion to make :(

Once you embrace the absurdity and realize how very cruel life can be, you can sleep like a baby.

That is interesting view. I think my sibling shared similar views. But maybe you are right. Even if I do not really want to accept that.

Thank you three for taking time to read and answer.

I wish. I really do :(

I think, that in my case it is trauma that made itself appear later in life. Because it was never an issue when I was younger. Even dentist tried to say the same to me.

Gag reflexes are bitch. Not sure if beating them is even possible anymore.

I’m homeless right now

:( that is really awful to hear. What happened?

My outlet is my photography, I’d lose my mind without it

Hm.. In past (in past as in a life that I lost forever), I wanted learn to draw. Picture that is my avatar is made by me. Not sure if it is considered to be good or bad, but I am somewhat proud of it.

Do you post your photos somewhere? I got curious about them. I also like to photographire stuff, but I am not 100% sure shy.

If you can get that help, then it’s worth pursuing.

I am thinking about it, but language barrier seems to not make it easy :(

Your life isn’t ruined. You can rebuild and find stability. You just have to keep going and never give up.

But what if trying to not give up just prolongs the inevitable? What if I could just accept it :(

In my native Sprache we have this saying "перед смертью не надышишься", which translates roughly to "you can't breath (air) enough (meaning, breath enough air until you are satisfied) before you die".

And thank you too for taking your time to reply.

Probably try to find a group of people with similar backgrounds, or at least a therapist or priest or bartender to talk to

I wish but language barrier is really hitting hard :( English would not cut it. Which is very tragic, because that is one of not many things in life that I can deal with and have interest about.

I will add that when you are young it feels like you don't have much time, but the fact is you do.

I wish, but ability to stay in other country is not right — it is an privilege :(

And unless I will be able to work this out — I would not be able to stay, being forced to get back, to... Nothing :( there not much left to return to.

Probably work look for the uplifting ones.

Maybe I should try. But I do not know, if that going to help. I am already find myself ignoring real world too much, because it is not the best place :(

Man's Search For Meaning is a pretty rough but good read

Is it in English?

And thank you, very much for taking time to reply, I appreciate it.

Yep, it's good.

Just make sure to regularly do backups (in settings), and prefer to store them in secured places, ideally, password protect them with encryption (e.g. zip).

And if you have ideas or bugs, then you can check their GitHub page (https://github.com/mona-hrt/mona) to make new issue. Or if you can't (I think they have discord thing?) do so via GitHub, then ask someone who can.

Are you doing good?

Might not be something that you exactly need, but might help you:

• https://github.com/DavidVentura/offline-translator if you are on Android, it is fully offline, once you download an translation models. Also it provides option to turn on LibreTranslate-compatible server, so other programs that supports this API can call this servee.
• https://github.com/you-apps/TranslateYou — Multi-service client, can translate from many different service, including ability to provide your own addresses to other (or your own) instances.
• You can selfhost earlier mentioned libretranslate https://libretranslate.com/, it is relatively easy to do. Translation quality quite good, but it's model are somewhat really bad with single word translations. If you want to translate mostly single words, then some dictionary solution should be preferred.
• If you are on Linux, you can check out https://flathub.org/de/apps/net.mkiol.SpeechNote — it's primary function is to deal with text-to-speech and vise versa, but it also provides translator. Translation models here are based on Mozilla models that you might had used in Firefox.
• Also Linux app: https://flathub.org/de/apps/dev.ters.LocalTranslate, it also uses Mozilla models under the hood.