You do. Or you don't.

It sucks.

How go people deal with that?

one day at a time, friend.

I did not build my success all at once, and it came with many many failures.

deal with what you can as best you can, one day at a time. and while you're doing that, don't forget to take a moment to celebrate the small wins along the way.

I remember my hometown. It is now turned into rubbles

Ukrainian?

tough read here my guy, one thing your post dies is allow. others to see their not so bad off, not that's it's much relief to you.

Sounds like these are some really tough times happening over there, I'm sorry to hear that. And I am sorry for your loss.

As for how to cope with it all...? A hard question with a million answers. Few of them are easy or what we want to hear.

Well, you just do. It's all you can do. What's the alternative? Cry? Freak out? Be depressed? Those are all okay to do, too, but once the tears have dried the problems are still there. So your only real choice is to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Even when the world is going down in flames, you still gotta go to the store for bread.

4 things I try to keep in mind when going through struggles:

1. To live is to suffer. This is a fundamental fact of life explored by every religion and philosophy since the beginning. Thankfully that's not all there is to life, but it is a big chunk of it. It's important to remember that suffering is built into us and brought about by simply being alive in a hostile and competitive world. We are wired to see threats (including negative predictions about the future) first, feel loss more strongly than gain, and to move through suffering due to the flood of wants and needs we seek to fulfill.

At best we might find momentary pockets of shelter from these storms... but we cannot stay there. If we are lucky, at some point we might be able exchange the hardest of struggles with less severe ones.

It may seem paradoxical, but accepting this fact actually helps lighten the weight of it. It helps answer the question of "why is this happening to me? Why me?" (The answer is, of course: because we are alive.)

2. We only have one life. We only get one chance to experience the whole palette of emotions that comes with living. You can't appreciate the light until you've experienced the darkness. Love us great, but its true value is only known if you've experienced a broken heart. So I try to see every situation, every emotion, as a gift. Sometimes it's a shitty gift you wish you could return but even a negative experience is still a better gift than, say, dying. Try to think of yourself as a poet, or an artist or musician that is purposely living through all the experiences, good and bad, so as to find insight, wisdom, and inspiration.

3. Stay in the now. Just as there is only one life, there is only one 'now'. And it is right now. And no other time. The only thing we really have to take care of is what is happening now. Yes, things happened in the past. And those things may have created the now we are currently in, but the past is no longer real. It's gone, vanished into thin air. It's just a figment of our imagination constructed by memories. When we look back on the past and feel regret, or lament some unfortunate turn of events or lousy upbringing, it's important to remember that those feelings are the only things that are actually real. The feelings we just created ourselves in this very moment over a story we just told ourselves. So, what stories are we telling ourselves? And why?

Or as I like to say "Stay out of the past, nothing new ever happens there."

Once you unshackle yourself from the stories you built up over a lifetime, you are no longer in a mental prison of your own making.

It feels as if the past is like a boulder rolling down a hill, its trajectory is our future. It feels as if this boulder which is our past must also dictate our path forward. If we came from one place, surely that means we'll end up where that path concludes, right? But that is an illusion. You can negate destiny itself simply by rejecting that premise and carving a new path forward at any time. It may not change the hurdles we face in the now but it does change our course out from this point.

Also, stay out of the future. For similar reasons. Unless you have a crystal ball, you don't really know what is going to happen. You can be smart and prepare for things likely to happen but there's no guarantee that they will. So there's no point in worrying about it.

When you narrow your scope down to just what is happening right now and what you need to do about it, it takes a ton of weight off your shoulders. No more past weighing you down, no more future keeping you up. Just stay in the now. The only thing that is actually real.

4. The power of perspective.

The power to frame things in your mind is a skill. It's a mental muscle that is initially weak but grows stronger the more you exercise it. This framing, a way of interpreting data, can alter your whole reality. Even in the darkest of nights it can lift your spirits and give you hope, or at least peace.

I don't feel like typing anymore so I will recommend to you a very powerful book. In English it's called 'Man's Search For Meaning' by Viktor Frankl. Or in the original title:

Ein Psychologe erlebt das Konzentrationslager

It's an easy read that explains a view on life that can make a tremendous impact on yours if you let it.

I hope some of what I wrote made some kind of sense. These ideas, simple though they may be, have helped me get through life.

Good luck and I hope brighter days are just around the corner for you. Sounds like you deserve some grace from the world and I hope you get it.

I can’t say things have ever been that bad for me, but I’m in a really rough place myself right now.

Focus on your next step. Survival is most important. Try your best to find stability and find a good outlet for all the stress you’re dealing with.

I’m homeless right now and my next step is to make enough money for rent somewhere. My outlet is my photography, I’d lose my mind without it.

Surely you’re dealing with a lot of trauma and you’re going to need help dealing with that. If you can get that help, then it’s worth pursuing. If not, it’s okay to put it off until you have higher priorities taken care of.

Your life isn’t ruined. You can rebuild and find stability. You just have to keep going and never give up.

im seeing alot of recent posts on other sites, how they are being pressured alot of not having a career having going through the layoffs, and as a result of the layoffs by friends family, and nagging from a boomer perspective.

My struggles are different from yours: Seven heart attacks, a saddle pulmonary embolism, below-knee amputation, kidney failure so I am on dialysis. Just the barest touch so I don't waste your time with a novel. :)

The only way to survive is to focus on now. To the best of your ability, live in the moment. What I mean is: You cannot change the past. While you will sometimes remember the past, try not to let yourself dwell too much on it - the good or the bad. I mean, don't forget what you want to remember, but don't waste much time on what's already happened. And for the future, the same - you cannot decide how to spend tomorrow until it comes. If you spend all your time thinking in the past and/or the future, you lose the NOW, which is the only time you can actually ACT.

So you do want to try and work towards bettering your future, just don't waste all your time fantasizing about what might happen or what you might want. Plan, yes. Work toward, yes. But do not lose sight of today.

"Today" - "Now" - this is your life. Not the past, nor the future.

Obviously every day cannot be a vacation. You can't have indulgent food every day. You can't be lazy every day. You can't take every day off and relax. But if you are spending every minute of every day working and stressed, that is also untenable - unsustainable.

It's not that you have to work less - you may have to work a lot to have enough money to survive. But the idea is that while you cannot do anything about what the world does to you or how people treat you, you have control over how you react. If someone - a stranger - treats you poorly, just let it go. You'll probably never see them again.

Try to find the joy in little things, in everyday things. One of the things I like to do is try to make people laugh, if I can. That is, say amusing things that are funny even in just the moment. Like I like to joke when there's good weather how terrible that is because we have nothing to complain about - it often gets a laugh. I don't try and force laughter, mihd, just be amusing and I love to see when it clearly brightens someone's day.

I'm 51, and with my health issues, I probably won't live to see 60. So these simple pleasures are what I treasure. The little time I have with my wife, keeping in touch with the two family members I have left, trying ot make people laugh wherever I go, enjoying some of the games I play.

That's all we can do. Just to make the best of whatever situation we find ourselves in. To some degree: You are in control of how you choose to go through life, as far as your attitude goes. Which is not to say you can't grieve, be sad, be wistful, be resentful, angry, so many emotions based on what's happened to you. But try not to let all of that get you down and be how you live. Acknowledge the bad, but also try to acknowledge the good: Do you have food? Shelter?

And try to make little improvements where you can.

It's hard. And everyone is different. I've just tried to explain how I try to look at life, and I hope some of that might help you. I apologize for the bits that are unhelpful and annoying. But I hope things get better for you. I hope you don't give up.

Definitely never had to deal with anything like that. But people do go on. You have a lot of trauma so probably a lot of what you are feeling is because of that, and it's normal, but if you can find people to work through it with that will help. Probably try to find a group of people with similar backgrounds, or at least a therapist or priest or bartender to talk to. I'd seek out some books about people who have dealt with similar things- there are a lot. Some uplifting, some not. Probably work look for the uplifting ones. If you're trying to learn the language of your new home probably get in the habit of going to a library anyhow, and I bet a librarian would be able to help you find some books about people surviving war and trauma and death. Man's Search For Meaning is a pretty rough but good read. I will add that when you are young it feels like you don't have much time, but the fact is you do. Start building little good habits. Help a neighbor. Take a walk. Read a book. Pick up some trash. Find a group to play chess with. Stuff like that.

First: sorry man. That all sucks hard.

But it is hard. Learning languages is hard. Trying to navigate this world is hard. And I do not have that much time to fix all of that.

Depending on where you wanna go, your English is already fine, so you would have no trouble in most European countries, as most of us speak it. The rest will come.

I was always socially akward. It is hard for me. I have issues with both my body and my mind, my health. But I am mostly on my own now. With no idea how to proceed and how to deal with this pressure.

I feel sorry for you. Life can suck. Without knowing where your destination is, I can only give hints for things I know work HERE (Germany). Like, get help! Professional and maybe some support-group. Maybe you're not "awkward" but just different. That's not bad.

I work voluntarily in a shelter for people who got fucked by life. Mostly by other people. I have heard my fair share of lifes going down the drain seemingly. But most actually do manage to live comfortably. With help.

How go people deal with that?

One universal help is: radical acceptance. Basically means: You cannot change some things, so dont waste your time worrying about them. Focus on what you CAN change and try to do it. Sounds simple, but isn't.

Hard to give better tips, not even knowing where you are right now and what your realistic options are.

Out of curiosity... Ukrainian?

At a certain point, it all gets to be pretty absurd how bad things can get, and so quickly!

Once you embrace the absurdity and realize how very cruel life is, you can sleep like a baby.

"Oh, I have cancer? of course"

"I've been shot! What took you so long"

and so on