You do realize that once armed the Raccoons will turn on you?
You are more of a snack than a god.
this post was submitted on 14 Aug 2026
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Raccoons
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I can change them.
Yeah … into an armed band of raccoons with a taste for flesh.
No honor among thieves
Not if I make them recognize my value. It's not as if they can discreetly walk out of a grocery store with their pockets full of tasty candy.
"The thieves guild sees you and welcomes you," they hiss
I’m raccoons are cool, but, like…
I have a great-great grandfather that abandoned society to go live in a cave. He was arrested for embezzlement back in the 1800s, and after he was released, he decided he couldn't face his family or community anymore. So he hopped a boat to Nova Scotia and set himself up in a cave.
Eventually, his wife managed to track him down. She begged him to come back, but he insisted on staying in his cave. I guess it was a really nice cave.
They need motorcycles too. Clearly.
I don't know about giving raccoons tiny swords and shields, since they may hurt themselves, or hurt you.
This makes me think you'd like the anime "Apocalypse Hotel". I don't want to explain why, as that might spoil one or two things, but you'll get it by the end.
They won't let us do what we really need to do to cope. Isolation and disengagement isn't the answer.
What about buying them sexy little raccoon outfits and opening up a racoon bordello?
Ah, as always, some, uh, unique ideas from @SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world.
I can’t be the only one to find raccoons attractive.
