a sign like this on both genders' changing rooms would help a bunch
this post was submitted on 17 Aug 2026
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Transfem
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Firstly, thank you for being proactively supportive of your new club member!
As said already, most trans folks don't want any special treatment or attention - we just want to be treated like any other person of the gender we're serving up to the world.
So if a woman joined your club, you wouldn't say "Hey, it looks like you're a woman! The womens' changing room is over there." That would be weird and awkward. Instead, you'd probably just say "The changing rooms are over there" and let the person figure out which room to use on their own. So do that. :)
In general, we're pretty resilient people and can manage ourselves. The most help you can offer is using your magical cis-people powers to keep the people who hate us off our backs.
You are correct to imagine that many trans folks will feel unsure of whether they would be welcome in a given gendered changing room. We never know when we are going to run into an obnoxious crazy person who is ready to make our day more difficult.
One thing that you could do (if you have any sway the with the club's management or operations), is find ways to broadcast the establishment's acceptance of gender-diverse folks. Lots of places like putting up pride flags or pride stickers in the shop window for this, but that isn't always possible. More-so than putting up tacky flags, what I really really like is when businesses use signs like these around their gendered spaces:
In my opinion, this is the best way to signal to everybody "Hey, you might see a trans person in here. The management knows and is cool with it. Don't be an asshole." These signs rule. When I see these signs, my blood pressure goes down a few points. It's how I know I'm among allies.
One thing that you could do (if you have any sway the with the club's management or operations), is find ways to broadcast the establishment's acceptance of gender-diverse folks. Lots of places like putting up pride flags or pride stickers in the shop window for this, but that isn't always possible. More-so than putting up tacky flags, what I really really like is when businesses use signs like these around their gendered spaces:
Before I became involved with the clubs happenings I just trained there, I remember there being some discussion about signing a rainbow agreement (an initiative by the municipalty iirc). One parent of a kid was really against that and that parents kid is still one of the athletes here (theyre performing pretty well too so...). Dont really know the ins and outs but the other staff doesnt wanna step people on their toes (they are anti discrimination of any kind tho so its like they try to keep a certain balance). So i dont think I can get something like that to pass the board
I don't have answers for you (sorry).
I just wanted to say that you are unfathomably based for going and looking this up of your own volition.
just treat them how you'd treat anyone else :) all we really ask is respect
Of course, I just wanna make sure they feel comfortable because in their email they mentioned feeling a bit nervous about it
I am guessing more than anything, they are worried about being treated less-than by someone. Here's a few of my thoughts:
- Just smile and be friendly when you meet them. Not only will this alleviate some concerns right away, it may have been a while since someone treated them that way.
- Getting pronouns is obvious. I have an unpopular opinion which is to include your assumption in the question. (ie if someone seems to be mtf, asking "do you prefer she/her, or something else?") There's a good chance that this will communicate their presentation is having the intended effect.
- Check in periodically. If you meet weekly, maybe at the end of each session. If you meet a few times a week, maybe ever week or two ask how they are doing. Ask if things are going well, if they are getting along well with people, etc.
- Set the expectation early that they can talk to you if something isn't working for them.
Thanks!
Check in periodically. If you meet weekly, maybe at the end of each session. If you meet a few times a week, maybe ever week or two ask how they are doing. Ask if things are going well, if they are getting along well with people, etc. Good one, will do!
Set the expectation early that they can talk to you if something isn't working for them. Ill also make sure they know the dedicated person everyone can talk to confidentially (idk the English translation lol)
(ie if someone seems to be mtf, asking “do you prefer she/her, or something else?”) There’s a good chance that this will communicate their presentation is having the intended effect.
uuuh this one is a good one!
"I'm David, and I like people to call me he or him. How about you?"
Exactly thi! We just wanna be part of society at large ❤️
I think taking away the burden of choice regarding the changing room could be nice – towards a trans woman at least. So, if they're a woman, just show them the women's changing room. If they show hesitancy, then tell them they're of course free to use the other room as well.
A trans woman in men's changing room can end up encountering some seriously shitty shit. A trans woman in women's changing room is definitely safe, and unlikely to end up in any negative encounters whatsoever.
I've been very pleasantly surprised by how positively cis women react to trans women! 🩷
Many trans women can feel insecure about their right to use the women's changing room, so gently pushing them that way as showing that as the assumed default will help them.
Also make sure that the customer knows that if there should be any conflicts with other customers, you definitely will have their back!
Oh so more like saying it like: "heres the *their gender* changing room, in case you prefer the other one its over there"?
Many trans women can feel insecure about their right to use the women's changing room, so gently pushing them that way as showing that as the assumed default will help them.
Gotcha
Also make sure that the customer knows that if there should be any conflicts with other customers, you definitely will have their back!
I will!
Do they present very obviously as masculine or feminine? If so, then treat them no differently than you'd treat anyone of that gender. Let them use whatever changing room they decide to go into and don't beat them up or have them jailed for doing it. That's all most of us want. Treat us like anyone else. If we need something special, just like anyone else, we'll ask for it if you treat us with respect and thus we feel safe doing so, just like anyone else.
Safety is usually our main concern, so create a space where we don't feel singled out or treated like we're trans at all, treat us like our gender like anyone else.
No idea, only had contact over email. But of course, theyre just a human
Just you doing research and asking question before you meet them is incredible and youre already well on your way to being respectful to this person.
Basically, treat em like any other human. The main thing i think about in a new place is the safety of the place overall (talking to them will go a long way to make them feel safe) and whether ill be harassed just using the bathroom.
So besically do everything normally! When you introduce yourself you could ask how they identify and if they answer youll have a pretty good idea of which BR they want to use.
Now if you want to go above and beyond, and become this persons best friend at the same time, you can keep an eye on everyone else instead of this person. Just generally looking out for antitrans behavior (staring, usually with a disgusted look, avoidance, laughing and talking about the person, etc etc) these are behaviors theyll try to make sure WE dont see, but if you look out YOULL see it for sure. Snuffing that out will instantly make you the bestest of friends lol
Hope this helps, youre a genuinely great person ❤️❤️
Thats what im going for 🫡
One thing i can think of is be sure to get their preferred name in addition to pronouns, and that all staff use that name. Perhaps your software has a space for preferred name and pronouns already. I have found that many systems don't have those data entry fields or even on the off chance they do, it is often overlooked if staff aren't trained to pay attention to them.
And honestly, the biggest gripe i had before legally changing my name was telling people that info only for it to be ignored the next time i went there especially when it is right there on the paper they are reading from.
The second biggest gripe is getting deadnamed in emails, phone calls and texts even when a business has a preffered name field.
I am so glad this person is already starting off with a concerned and caring staff member. Good for you.
The national federation forces us to use a system that doesnt allow preferred namens as far as I know, will check that. We don't send a lot of (or any) personalized emails/texts so I think we should be fine regarding that. Thanks!
Is there some legal reason that a sports club needs to keep a deadname on record? Preferably just don't ask them their deadname. Go permissive on the ID stuff - would a letter from a healthcare provider (hormone prescriber) or a reference letter do?
Just remember their name and pronouns, and if they ask for a more private place to change, let them have it.
And if anybody gives them shit, or does things that signal bullying a player in your sport, you stomp that shit out fast and back them up.
On it🫡
Heya, appreciate people like ya!
If the club is owned by you, what might be handy is to remove "women" and "men" symbols at toilets, labelling them simply "toilet".
Install bins (for those who have periods) in the formerly male ones and done.
Happy cake day btw!
Id love to but we use a building from some organisation :(
Hmm... is the sports club yours?
If the symbols are easy to remove and put back up, why not do so? Or alternatively, put large "WC" buttons over them, so you don't see the former symbols.
Bins can be added and removed easily, so they shouldn't be an issue, tbh.
Nope its not, I just help with stuff. There are toilets inside the changing rooms but there are more toilets in the hallway which is not part of the space we rent.
Bins are probably doable in the changing room toilets, will check that out
Yeah your two ideas are probably the only thing you have to go out of your way for. Just treat them normally. If they contacted you saying they’re nervous, it wouldn’t hurt to ask them what they’re nervous about. Even if they can’t describe it, it’ll probably put them at ease knowing you cared enough to ask. Hell, telling them you asked around online will probably go a long way too.
Hah ill ask them, thanks!