Microwave some store bought coldbrew. Only drink that style of coffee

Turning the script. the most "elitest"

Buying an expensive esspresso machine only to never calibrate it and use pre-ground supermarket coffee.

buy pre-ground coffee. that's guaranteed to be the worst.

I think the worst and most offensive coffee I ever drank was out of a vending machine which also served soup through the same nozzle.

Poor some instant coffee on a plate. Spit on it then lick it up.

That’s should annoy just about everyone.

That's gotta be instant coffee. It doesn't taste good, super bitter, cheap, you microwave the water and then spoon on some of that dry ass shit... let's be honest, it's gross. Totally not an elitist thing to do. That said, i do it. And I'm not elite.

instant granules sprinkled on top of ice cream, call it an affigato. Bonus points for international roast.

Keurig. Terrible coffee. Terrible for the environment. Real offensive.

Do it like a tequila slammer: drink a shot of water, lick instant coffee, bite into a creamer cup.

I know I’m late to the party, but I had to get some instant coffee and wedge some in between my check and gums.

My husband buys these frozen pods to add to warm water. I'm sure they're great but I took a double take.

Going to 7/11 and buying a bottled Starbucks mocha.

All of this is so unhinged that its just gonna come off as rage bait. I feel that, if you really wanna piss off a coffee snob, you'd be better off just really earnestly enjoying some extremely pedestrian coffee. Maybe Instant; Maybe one of those blueberry flavored drip brewed coffees from, like 7/11 or Wawa (make sure its not fresh); or maybe one of those bottled Dunks iced coffees; or maybe just insist you like prefer Monster and crack a 1 liter reclosable Monster can.

Like, as a coffee enjoyer, I find myself most frequently disappointed by Keurig coffee, for whatever thats worth.

Make a gallon of instant, store it in the fridge. When u want a cup, pour it and warm it in the microwave. You're set for weeks!

I just slurp spilled coffee out of the entrance rug at Starbucks

My husband used to microwave water and use that microwaved water to make instant coffee. I think mixing it then microwaving it is the only thing that could make it worse. Or instant coffee from the spoon.

I can’t find it now but I once read a (probably Reddit) post about an engineer who had access to extremely high pressure hydraulics, and force-extruded ultrafine coffee through a semipermeable membrane at something crazy like 100bar.

Edit: Oh you said anti-elitist. Nevermind, my bad.

I think making bad coffee in a bad way is not offensive to coffee snobs. What would be offensive to coffee snob would be to get some extremely expensive boutique coffee beans and prepare them in a snob way where each step is wrong. Example:

• get single original, unwashed fermented with who knows what 80€/kg beans
• prepare them with a Chemex, using a recycled filter paper (if this ever exists)
• measures your beans in a measuring cup, 5 cups / L of water
• grind the beans with a blender (any grind size is fine)
• skip weting the filter, just put your grinded beans in the filter
• boil a tap water kettle to 100°C
• pour all the water at once until the filter is topped up (do not measure obviously)
• wait until it drains
• server and enjoy

• eat 1/3 of a cup of grounds
• wash it down with maalox
• wait 15 minutes
• fill cup and serve

Laziest? Sure, but it's not creative.

I take a mug, put the preground coffee in it, pour boiling water on it, stir it so the grounds mostly settle to the bottom, let it cool for a bit and drink. Quite common where I come from. I make it pretty strong too. People accuse me of drinking asphalt, but I enjoy it a bit more than most of those cheap automatic espresso machines.

You'll get a bit in your teeth, that's there for extra flavour and kick.

The one I experienced in France long ago. We had been driving through the night and were in desperate need for coffee, so we stopped at a small rest stop. Ordered coffees for all of us.

They had a large, battered metal pot on the stove, and used a soup ladle to pour the coffee into the mugs. Complete with coffee grounds. Nobody knows how long this stuff was simmering there. It could have been days. Or weeks. Or since B.C.

I like my coffee strong, but that stuff was vile.

Lightly crush beans with meat tenderizer and pour into small mesh bags that you can pop into hot water later and let it "brew" for a few minutes.

Yes, basically describe turning the coffee making process into the tea making process and bill it as "more portable coffee". Coffee anywhere anytime.

Grounds in paper filter, dunk in water, then suck on it like it's a used teabag. Bonus points if you have a cup of water nearby to re-moisten the grounds every so often.

Instant in warm water from the tap, without running the tap for it to get hot. That would take too much effort.

For all the people mocking instant: it will never be a great cup of coffee, but some aren't half bad. Also very easy and convenient when making coffee flavoured drinks or deserts etc...

I am definitely a coffee snob. I roast my own single origin green beans, manually grind to perfection and pour over/espresso with the best of them.

I do turkish coffee, mocha pot, and even my own chocolate covered coffee beans and a home distilled coffee liqueur. I still have a jar of instant coffee...

Heat milk in microwave.
Add a half teaspoon of instant coffee.
Enthusiastically call it a latte.

Suggestion 2: Reuse the coffee in a filter/coffee pod/espresso filter. It's disgusting, weak, and technically coffee.

Instant coffee, the cappuccino kind with disgusting powdered milk and caramel flavored.

Just eat the beans.

pour grounds directly into hot water (boil it, who even gives a fuck, but don’t you dare put a thermometer in there), pour through a fine mesh strainer, tell yourself the grit builds grit.