311
Wtf??? That worthless fucking ghoul is still alive???
This is an absolute ass timeline...
You cannot kill that which has no life.
This is one of the best lines Trey Parker ever wrote.
load more comments
(1 replies)
Nothing good ever happens
they finally was able to ressurect him with his phylactery.
load more comments
(7 replies)
Reporters and photographers were told by Senate staff not to take video of his remarks in the second-floor hallway, even though video is often permitted in that area. Still images were allowed.
From the AP article
Something is fucked for sure with this and they are all covering it up
Video would make his unresponsive condition apparent.
He’s being kept alive.
Is he being "weekend at berinied"?
load more comments
(2 replies)
Ooh, they've done a really good job on him. You can't even see the strings!
It’s all animatronics these days
load more comments
(1 replies)
his necromancer is an expert at reanimating corpses.
Somehow, Mitch McConnell returned
Dang, I only spotted your comment after posting the same joke. Here, have an upvote instead.
load more comments
(3 replies)
“My recovery has been a long and often frustrating process, and the lingering effects of childhood polio haven’t made it any easier,” McConnell said
He's old enough to have had polio.
Well. He’s certainly not young enough to have had polio.
But they want to ban vaccines.
Rumor has it he arrived on Earth on the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs
hes older than that, hes the silent generation.
load more comments
(2 replies)
load more comments
(2 replies)
He heard a vote about paid sick leave was presented, and so had to come in and vote against.
The only thing that makes sense to me is he's completely unable to speak. Other than that, no idea why everything would have unfolded the way it did and is.
Edit: He's talking too. Something stinks. Not saying it's not him, but there's something being hidden for sure.
It took some time for the dark magic absorbed through the ritual sacrifice of Lindsey Graham to fully restore Mitch to a shadow of his living self.
Every ladybug contained the essence of one youth. One young male, kept on Lindsey Graham’s body. Lindsey was the unholy vessel of the philosopher’s kidney stones. A host like no other. They had to use every single ladybug on Mitch. It wasn’t enough…
load more comments
(1 replies)
load more comments
(1 replies)
Took time to find a guy kinda looking like him and the bit of plastic surgery to add Mitches face skin to theirs.
load more comments
(1 replies)
load more comments
(3 replies)
He's a Chucky Cheese animatronic.
Are we sure it’s not a clone of Mitch, or a ghola perhaps.
The only vegetable in America that hasn’t been recalled.
load more comments
(1 replies)
Death, are you sure you don't need glasses?
Fuck it mate, we'll pay for your lasik if you want.
Just drop dead
True mental illness. Go home and enjoy your last fucking 15 days on this earth.
When everyone wants you to die but your will to spite them is stronger.
Clock is still ticking motherfucker
Finally worked the bugs out of the Mitch Droid, it's ready for public viewing.
One of two things are happening here:
Or
How long can they move him around before the wire implants degrade?
It will outlive us all, the Mitchbot-800
American gerontocracy.
Rigor mortis is the only thing that keeps him sitting up.
load more comments
(1 replies)
They took only three months to finalize the clone? I'm impressed!
Some one brought something up when I shared to discord;
he's a millionaire, why is he riding around in a Travel Wheelchair? (cheapest, least comfortable option, usually only used when travelling for the fact that it can be collapsed quite small for car journeys)
Because accessibility is DEI.
/s
He looked so much better in those proof of life pictures from a month ago….
I'm here for all the paid leave jokes
view more: next ›
this post was submitted on 14 Sep 2026
311 points (98.1% liked)
News
39328 readers
3751 users here now
Welcome to the News community!
Rules:
1. Be civil
Attack the argument, not the person. No racism/sexism/bigotry. Good faith argumentation only. This includes accusing another user of being a bot or paid actor. Trolling is uncivil and is grounds for removal and/or a community ban. Do not respond to rule-breaking content; report it and move on.
2. All posts should contain a source (url) that is as reliable and unbiased as possible and must only contain one link.
Obvious biased sources will be removed at the mods’ discretion. Supporting links can be added in comments or posted separately but not to the post body. Sources may be checked for reliability using Wikipedia, MBFC, AdFontes, GroundNews, etc.
3. No bots, spam or self-promotion.
Only approved bots, which follow the guidelines for bots set by the instance, are allowed.
4. Post titles should be the same as the article used as source. Clickbait titles may be removed.
Posts which titles don’t match the source may be removed. If the site changed their headline, we may ask you to update the post title. Clickbait titles use hyperbolic language and do not accurately describe the article content. When necessary, post titles may be edited, clearly marked with [brackets], but may never be used to editorialize or comment on the content.
5. Only recent news is allowed.
Posts must be news from the most recent 30 days.
6. All posts must be news articles.
No opinion pieces, Listicles, editorials, videos, press releases, or celebrity gossip will be allowed. All posts will be judged on a case-by-case basis. Mods may use discretion to pre-approve videos or press releases from highly credible sources that provide unique, newsworthy content not available or possible in another format.
7. No duplicate posts.
If an article has already been posted, it will be removed. Different articles reporting on the same subject are permitted. If the post that matches your post is very old, we refer you to rule 5.
8. Misinformation is prohibited.
Misinformation / propaganda is strictly prohibited. Any comment or post containing or linking to misinformation will be removed. If you feel that your post has been removed in error, credible sources must be provided.
9. No link shorteners or news aggregators.
All posts must link to original article sources. You may include archival links in the post description. News aggregators such as Yahoo, Google, Hacker News, etc. should be avoided in favor of the original source link. Newswire services such as AP, Reuters, or AFP, are frequently republished and may be shared from other credible sources.
10. Don't copy entire article in your post body
For copyright reasons, you are not allowed to copy an entire article into your post body. This is an instance wide rule, that is strictly enforced in this community.
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS