True, but it's not a having kids problem. It's a capitalism problem, as usual.
The same case could be made for hobbies. You need money for hobbies, so they trap you in the system.
Destroy capitalism and suddenly having kids is great (relatively speaking, subject to personal preferences).
You need money for hobbies
some hobbies. Other hobbies can even make you money.
A hobby that makes money is a job, once you start to depend on it it starts being stressful and stops being a hobby. I've been through that cycle a couple of times.
Okok, what i wanted to say; a lot of hobbies are free or next-to-free.
I don't need a kid to feel this way. I have myself and my own goals to worry about.
It's one form of entrapment but in this economy even being childfree im living paycheck to paycheck
Exactly, and it makes the idea of “having children” sound even more absurd.
But have you considered generational wealth
Same could be said about mortgages and loans. Yeeees, take the loan for the big house. Now you are trapped in the grind-spiral and need to work your ass off
That all is alleviated by a decent social support though. I have a kid and after losing a job last year I collected state benefits, he still went to school and nothing changed about insurance. Sure there was less money but still enough.
Idk how to tell you but everyone around me is so poor that if I fall there's nothing to catch me at all... Hell, there's borrowed money I fully expect to never get back too... I'm sure I'm not the only one in this situation
Some of it is alleviated. A social support net will arrest your fall if something unfortunate happens (like losing a job), but you still can't just walk away from it all if you so choose.
What? Why?
There are millions and millions of people walking away from their families, dependants, circumstances is life, ever day.
It's hard, all right, but just like with anything you will care about.
There's a specific class of people that walk away from their children -- those people are called deadbeats.
So... Being called names is the biggest problem? You're walking away - so walk on.
Most people would feel bad causing their family to fall apart and inflicting trauma on their children, I think that is more motivating than name calling.
See also: aging parents, marriage, real estate, college education, car payments. Like, this person is hyperfocused on children, but any commitment of any kind comes with sacrifices and restriction unless you're endlessly wealthy.
You can walk away from every single one of those things. Aging parents aren't your responsibility (if they are, there's something deeply wrong with how they lived their lives). Marriages can be annulled. You can drop out of college and sell the car. All of those things can be reversed to a reasonable degree.
You can't walk away from your kids under any circumstances (aside from giving them up for adoption, which still doesn't exactly sever their connection to you or your responsibility towards them) -- they exist entirely and completely because you desired it to be so.
This world view is very self-centered, and also inconsistent.
Inconsistent: Your argument is essentially, "you can abandon your aging parents, but you can't abandon a child." False. If you're okay with abandoning aging parents, why not leave a child up for adoption? Both are, quite frankly, gross concepts
Self-centered: Humans are social creatures, and part of being social is community. And I mean IRL community. For many that community include immediate and extended family. For others, it's found family. Either way, yes, a person can "walk away", and there are consequences. Also, I'm taking care of my mom. She's 85. If I abandon her, she'll be put in a home, and all of her things become property of the state. So, to a degree, she is my responsibility, as well as my other siblings. If we abandon her, her community will help, but not to the degree that she could maintain her independence and quality of life. And it would break her heart. Is there something wrong with how she lived her life?
I can't tell if you're just young, or very socially isolated, or both. Yes children bog a person down, shackle them to a way of life that allows the child to (hopefully) thrive. So do other things. If a person is so isolated they can pull up stakes and go with a snap of their fingers that person is deeply wrong with how their living their life.
If you’re okay with abandoning aging parents, why not leave a child up for adoption? Both are, quite frankly, gross concepts
Having children is a choice, and you agree to be responsible for them.
Being born is not.
Feel like the whole parent thing here you're giving is also naive, as it's assuming a decent relationship with the parents.
Every state in the US has a safe-haven law on the books. You can drop a baby off at nearly any firestation, sometimes in completely anonymous baby boxes, and absolve yourself of responsibility. It's literally easier to get rid of a child than it is student loan debt.
Damn. Truth.
Just because it's technically possible – like, for example, murdering one's abuser is an option – doesn't mean it's something that most parents would be willing to consider. There's your bond with your child, there's empathy, there's guilt, there's family and friends judging you, and potentially cutting you off if you decide to do it, ... I'm sure there's places in the world where it's worse, or straight up illegal.
Yes, which circles back to my initial point: all the things I listed and more "trap" you in the same way. The emotions and repercussions you describe also apply to plenty of things beyond caring for a child. Parenthood is not the unique trap that OP's post implies.
OP states the entrapment of "people depending on you" which is uniquely different from the other things you've mentioned. With aging parents, it depends on the culture and retirement support given by the state, but then again, they brought you into this world, not the other way around. With a partner, I could see a case being made if said partner is disabled. But with kids, you are (typically) the reason they're here.
This is so true. I was literally just thinking about this in regard to feeling shackled to an unhappy lifestyle because obligations to my children's lifestyle encroach on my own freedom. I love my kids, but I'd never give anybody a hard time for choosing to not have kids of their own. Having kids is without a doubt a big personal sacrifice with a long commitment.
I can say for certainty that I'm still in the US because of my kids. The cost of emigrating with children is just too much without going full refugee.
the Darwinist system
You were already trapped in it at birth. Your opinion on the matter was not sought, your consent (or lack thereof) is of no consequence. There is no escape from the trap, and only one way out regardless of the choices you make while inside the trap (the way out is not an escape, it is merely springing the trap early).
The only action that really matters, the only choice you can make that has any consequence, is how you treat the other souls you meet in the trap while you're there.
Soul Trap was a 70s TV show, or a spell in a video game?
Soul Train is the one I remember.
Actually it is a sub-sub-genre of hip-hop featuring mostly remixes of Ella and 'Retha.
Well yes. Any responsibility will take priority over other things.
Well, yeah. If there's an entire section for it at Walmart, it's not about you.
Speak for yourself. I’m a vacuum cleaner.
I'm sure you make your partner very happy when you suck blow and get thrown in the closet 😉
Its an old yo mama joke.
Contraceptive section? 😆
I'll be honest. Never been to a Walmart.
But surely there isn't a section for that. Surely it's in the "Health" section, not with it own sign dangling from the roof.
"Excuse me? Can you point me to the Don't Fuck Up While Horny section?"
"Sure. See the signs? 40 aisles that way, after Humming Fish Bowls, you can't miss it. HUGE Condom Man mascot."
Or a car
Yep. Fuck those too
I know people who pay more for their car subscription than I do for my mortgage.
What is a car subscription?
So close. What traps us in the system is locked real estate. We are not owners of the land anymore, means we cant grow our own crops, build our own houses from our own resources. This means we are locked in a market that can abuse us.
Getting and raising children always was a village effort. But the village long gone and replaced by this corrupt system where we prefer to diabolize children over rioting.
Ain't nobody diabolizing children. We're railing against the system that demands everyone make more wage slaves to feed it.
Counter offer, multigenerational homes. Let the kids stay at home for their entire lives if they want to. They can start paying a bit towards the bills once they are adults.
Oh yeah and a house with more than 2 adults working, especially once the mortgage is paid off? You could work 1 day a week each and have plenty of money.
I suppose as your kids get partners if half move out and half move in its sustainable there too. Keep at it and build up some intergenerational wealth?
