this post was submitted on 01 Jul 2026
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] sharkfucker420@lemmy.ml 178 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

"Aryan goddess"

[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 147 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 13 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Yeah he's dating Anahita. I'd brag if I could pull her too.

[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 month ago

Whew my goodness!! Same here!

[–] kat_angstrom@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

Daaaamn, did you see that gilded silver bowl?

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[–] shawn1122@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 month ago

The first thing I thought was Persian / North Indian woman. So odd that Nazis co-opted that history.

[–] minty@aussie.zone 110 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Satire but horrendous views on women which now that i say it maybe means it isnt satire given 4chan. Oh wait theyre dating, yeah its satire

[–] BreakerSwitch@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

Horrible in a lot of ways, but "I'll try and date women who are interested in me and we'll build healthier habits in one another" is a much better outcome than I expect here.

Also, if we're being honest. I needed a push to try and date "in my league" so I could realize that I am worthy of love and build my own self worth to the point that I was a better person both to myself and to partners back when I was a big virgin at risk for incel thinking

[–] rumba@lemmy.zip 7 points 1 month ago

The text is satire, but the sentiment exists in the wild and is out of fucking control.

[–] daggermoon@piefed.world 75 points 1 month ago (7 children)

You shouldn't look at your partner as a fixer-upper. Physically, that is.

[–] KatakiY@lemmy.world 14 points 1 month ago

I mean true.

That said it's definitely nice when people make each other healthier

[–] Eyekaytee@aussie.zone 8 points 1 month ago (2 children)

what about if you live in a disney movie?

[–] daggermoon@piefed.world 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

The only disney movies i watched that didn't make me want to die was the TRON films.

[–] qarbone@lemmy.world 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You wanted to die after watching Hercules, Tarzan, or the Lion King??

[–] rtxn@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

As a kid, I saw Tarzan as "haha monke man go ooaooaooaoooaooo".

As an adult, I interpret its message as integration being contingent upon conformity and usefulness to society.

[–] qarbone@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

He expressly did NOT conform to their vision of (English) humankind and instead brought them to his world in the jungle, at the end.

[–] rtxn@lemmy.world 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

He wasn't accepted among the adult gorillas until he killed the leopard. Then he was only seen by the explorers as a scientific curiosity, and by the poachers as a means to find the gorillas.

[–] qarbone@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

Yeah? But that wasn't the end of the movie? Those are the challenges in his way before the end of the movie. Where the moral comes in?

He kills a leopard, proving to the gorillas that he is strong enough to go with them. Their issue (and primarily the leader of the pack's issue) is that he isn't as adept at survival because of his human body. Tarzan was failing their expectation of "survival of the fittest" that they have because they are gorillas. But now they aren't openly ostracising him, even if the leader is still prejudiced against him.

Then the humans come, who look like him. He doesn't have to struggle so hard to fit in, like he did with gorillas. He even fell in love. But then he found out that just because these humans looked more similar to him, that didn't mean they cared about the same things he did. In killing Clayton in defense of his biggest gorilla detractor (and consequently his gorilla family), he's rejecting the apparent human connection and Kerchak, the gorilla leader, finally accepts the sincerity of Tarzan's devotion to community despite assuming Tarzan would side with them.

Everyone learns lessons.

Did y'all just turn off the movie when Tarzan starts walking on two feet?

[–] TrippaSnippa@aussie.zone 4 points 1 month ago

The only fixer upper fixer that'll fix a fixer upper is true, true true, true true, true truuuueee....

Looooove (truuue love, true love, love, love, love, love)

I've seen Frozen way too many times...

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[–] Kn1ghtDigital@lemmy.zip 62 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] JamesBoeing737MAX@sopuli.xyz 25 points 1 month ago (2 children)
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[–] Captain_Baka@feddit.org 51 points 1 month ago (2 children)

lose my virginity to her

Obviously fake. As if a 4chan user is ever going to lose his virginity.

[–] mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 month ago

Except to fictional guys

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[–] MutantTailThing@lemmy.world 47 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] ButtermilkBiscuit@feddit.nl 44 points 1 month ago

Fake: anon got laid

Gay: anon went to a gym

[–] kivihiili@lemmy.blahaj.zone 38 points 1 month ago (3 children)

squishier girls are cute and adorable and incredibly lovable too :3 (and awesome to snuggle with)

honestly get real anon uwu

[–] Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 10 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Need some padding to survive the winter

[–] rbos@lemmy.ca 8 points 1 month ago

Lass needs some extra buffer to survive the English raiders.

[–] daggermoon@piefed.world 8 points 1 month ago

I like them a little squishy. Squishy is good. I'm a little squishy too.

[–] Hoimo@ani.social 5 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Muscles are still squishy when relaxed. It's not like Michael Phelps is permanently hard as steel.

Only when he sees you ;3

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[–] banause@feddit.org 34 points 1 month ago (1 children)

What a disgusting piece of text. 🤮

[–] MutantTailThing@lemmy.world 10 points 1 month ago

It's anon what did you expect?

[–] taygaloocat@leminal.space 31 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Even if this wasn't fake and gay she'd just leave him with her newfound confidence

[–] Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 14 points 1 month ago (3 children)

You don't understand Women's insecurities very well. Her confidence is now tied to OP. She doesn't believe she is a 10, she believes that OP makes her a 10.

Assuming it wasn't fake and gay of course...

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago

no, what she she needs is a muscle mommy to convince her she loves women now and to leave OP for her.

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 month ago

Technically speaking, that is the case. She would be dependent on OP to stay as she is. Eating disorders suuuuuck, but so does codependence.

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[–] lka1988@sh.itjust.works 21 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

"I beat the game"

Lmao, people who think marriage is like the final boss of a video game clearly have no idea what kind of life they're in for. You got married, congrats, you beat THE TUTORIAL. Now welcome to REAL LIFE.

I have met newlyweds like this. They don't last. Nothing wrong with celebrating the marriage, of course, but "happily ever after" is a fairy tale for a reason.

[–] TankovayaDiviziya@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Each people grew up differently. I was taught to live my life and be myself at an early age. But as I grow older I realised not everyone were taught the same. I love my mates but two of them are conformists as if relationships are end-all-be-all. They kinda think that there are arbitrary goal posts to reach at certain age.

[–] Napster153@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

Is Occam's Razor the right term here?

What I do know is that people in happy marriages or divorce on good terms are often not the ones making the loudest noise.

While it's true that we should advance at our own pace, what's also true is that we shouldn't get comfortable with the idea that things will always go our way, especially as we age.

Often, having a good relationshio or, better, a marriage is exactly what people need in case things happen that would otherwise leave us vulnerable, and it goes both ways.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 20 points 1 month ago

Sounds like a lot of work. I just date women I find attractive regardless of size and encourage them to live a lifestyle that makes them happy. If a hot chick that's into me is fat I'm just going to be happy a hot chick is into me.

[–] FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world 11 points 1 month ago

Doesn't anon mean "but" instead of "and" in the last sentence? It's annoying me how often people seem to mix these two words

[–] NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Obviously fake, but what’s the gay angle?

[–] NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Oh yeah, I remembered they think having a girlfriend is gay because you cucked yourself by having an adult relationship with another human.

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[–] capnbubblebuns@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 month ago

I was waiting for the end where now shes hotter and dumps him for "chad"

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