I recently freed my 8 year old human child from a gap in the couch.
Went on date last night. Ended up back at my place, had to put Dave in the yard he was being so hyper.
Dammit, I knew I forgot something.
My cousin's dog is named Grandpa and saying things like "I'm trying to get Grandpa not to lick his balls" or "Grandpa keeps eating shit in the backyard" just never is not funny
Marcus lost his shit again.
I bet there are chuckles from people who know.
That's why I always assume people are talking about their dogs.
Sam just graduated from college and Mary is finishing high school
Me: wow, they have to be so smart! What breed are they?
My sister didn't really get the concept of names for pets when we were younger. We won some rabbits from a fair once and I named mine Licorice and she named hers Sarah. I'll never forget the horrified look on my friend's face when my mom once casually told my sister to, "Take some food out to Sarah's pen, she's been kicking at the bars all day!"
Aww, I too had a bunny named Licorice.
I do recall that my coworker's son got himself wedged between the stove and fridge, so #3 is plausible for Human-Jennifer.
Which reminds me... The best thing about giving your pet people names, is eventually somebody with that name will become a fixture in your life and then you get to refer to them as "Human Dave" and still call the pet Dave.
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
Human David Hoffman
He works in my dad's store
He's worked here for 12 years
He'll probably work here for more
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
Human Dave Gort
I've known since I was six
In grade eight he broke his leg
So we got drunk and sick
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
Some of them are Davids
[Human Dave Gort: But most of us are Human Daves]
They all have their own hands
But they come from different moms
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
Dave Jadiski
Man, this cat can swing
He weighs almost 50 pounds
And he delivers my paper on time
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
Human Dave Capisano
I hardly know him
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
I told Justin if he didn't behave, he'd have to sleep in the garage again. He's only four, but he has to learn.
Billy took to pissing all over the walls, so we had to have him killed.
Be humane... say "euthanized"
Eh, better eu than I, Zed.
Every millenial ever: human names for pets, pet names for humans.
Dog:
Dave
Their literal son, fruit of their loins; their flesh and blood:
Rett
Reminds me of this Brooklyn Nine-Nine cold open about "Kelly".
How dare you ask that!
I caught David humping his sister again.
"Kelly! Kelly, come back! Come here, girl! Kelly, where are you? Kelly, I've got treats!"
I suggest: "my Boss"
My boss keeps shitting in my neighbor's garden.
My boss keeps scaring the neighbor's dog. Poor thing crosses the street when it sees him.
My boss ate my neighbor's canary.
My boss got stuck up a tree and the fire department had to get him down.
Tomorrow I'm taking My boss to have him neutered.
On the other hand, Dick is a legit name.
"My little Dick keep puking on the floor."
While I know it is, I am constantly surprised about it being a name
Making up demon names is fun and whimsical. Neth'sin the Ethereal Tormentor likes chin scratches, will rip strangers to shreds, and sometimes defiles laundry.
Paul climbed on top of the refrigerator and he keeps hissing at me every time I open the freezer.
Paul? What a ridiculous name for a cat.
That's a people name!
I love this! Thanks for sharing
Sorry, Tina is missing since this morning and i have to leave early to find her.
get home, shake snacks package, Tina appear out of nowhere
I had to pry [Jennifer] out from between the couch cushions where she wedged herself the other day
(True story about our ball python)
Haha, I specifically bought a couch with removable cushions because of this.
Username checks out, I guess, though I'm not sure how you're typing this or how you paid for the couch.
I'm typing on my nice mechanical keyboard, as is standard for software developers.
Although getting new gigs has been hard recently. Potential employers always look so disappointed when I show up to job interviews.
Danny's eating his shit again. I can't wait until he grows out of that.
They’re supposed to grow out of that?
I'm not a vet, but I've been told coprophagia can be caused by a series of reasons like nutrient deficit.
It is also why some birds may crack their eggs and eat the shells.
Goddammit Peter! Quit sniffing her butt!
Taylor sounds controlling
It's trickier for me when my naming system is a bit different.
"Admiral Fluffybreeches refused to take his bath, the other night."
So... your kid's name is Admiral Fluffybreches?
Elon?
Is this a distant relation of Lady Fuzzypants, who, after summer, often needs assistance with seeds and twigs caught in her hair?
Ellie hates it when I express her anal glands, but I can't stand to be around her when she backed up.
"I wish I could lick my own balls like Bob can."
Barold (Barry for short) spent the entire day trying to eat a mouse
"Michael keeps shitting on the floor!"
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