this post was submitted on 25 Aug 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 1 points 13 minutes ago

How about just every person?

Oh nevermind - all the guys would end up hung too big.

[–] GarboDog@lemmy.world 2 points 54 minutes ago* (last edited 54 minutes ago)

We’d be an epic goth fae furry girl 100% and would love it epically

[–] Alvaro@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 2 hours ago

Don't forget about the hilarious anti trans closeted trans people who will now have to face reality

I'll use my newfound body to protect my brother's, sisters and everyone in-between.

Only question is how do I get out of my house now that I'm a heavily armed attack helicopter. My fucking rotor blades are stuck in my dam drywall like it's the fucking backrooms.

[–] yermaw@sh.itjust.works 32 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Excited to see which of the joke-artists actually wake up as an attack helicopter.

[–] Grail@multiverse.soulism.net 7 points 7 hours ago (2 children)

Page not made by the original author, but worth reading: https://isabelfall.neocities.org/

[–] CaptSatelliteJack@lemy.lol 2 points 4 hours ago

This video is required watching. Jacob Geller's best work. 37 minutes long, but please watch the whole thing.

[–] Deebster@infosec.pub 2 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Seems you need to download the PDF to get all of it.

[–] Aneb@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago

Can we agree that PDFs deserve to longer prison sentences

[–] AmyAye@nord.pub 27 points 9 hours ago

This would also be extra funny when turbo closeted biggots get affected too.

[–] nitroemdash@lemmy.wtf 20 points 9 hours ago (2 children)

Someone will want a body made of antimatter and the earth is gone.

[–] okwhateverdude@lemmy.world 19 points 9 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Ghost_Mermaid@lemmy.zip 3 points 8 hours ago

Hell yeah! It would be a vast improvement.

[–] amgine@lemmy.world 11 points 9 hours ago

Don’t threaten me with a good time

[–] zxqwas@lemmy.world 39 points 11 hours ago (4 children)

Despite not being trans can I have a body that does not sound like slowly breaking a fist full of spaghetti when I get out of bed in the morning?

[–] PyroNeurosis@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 2 hours ago

My immedate reaction was to imagine the sound of cooked spaghetti.

Was wondering why a wet slapping sound would be undesirable first thing in the morning.

I regret that train of thought...

Have you tried a hot bath?

[–] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 1 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

At first I imagined cooked spaghetti and I was very confused.

[–] vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 hours ago

Wet sloppy noises

[–] okwhateverdude@lemmy.world 10 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

I can feel the grimace from "breaking a fist full of spaghetti" from the denizens of Pastaland all the way up here in northern EU

[–] kate@lemmy.uhhoh.com 3 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

i have a conspiracy hypothesis that many restaurants break the pasta without telling people because people prefer it without even knowing

Nah theyre just short staffed in pit and the only pots left are too small

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 58 points 13 hours ago (2 children)

Wait for the world to get overrun by furries, but it's just middle age bald dudes suddenly having shoulder length hair, six pack abs, and a deep sense of regret about how comfortable it is to carry around a two foot long penis.

[–] okwhateverdude@lemmy.world 16 points 9 hours ago (2 children)

People wishing for long hair and 6-pack abs have no clue the maintenance hell they are getting themselves into. The regret about the 2/3rds of a meter dong is spot on. Like envying a woman with melon sized breasts and not realizing how much back pain she deals with.

[–] vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 hours ago

I've got hair that's about mid back at the longest and I don't find it particularly annoying. But then again I usually keep it pinned with a hat so that probably helps.

[–] cheese_greater@lemmy.world 7 points 8 hours ago

Growers unite

[–] blarg_dunsen@sh.itjust.works 12 points 12 hours ago

I'm in this comment and I don't like it.

[–] Draegur@lemmy.zip 12 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

oh my gosh! I'm SOME of those! :D a fem-leaning androgynous (but functionally genderless) cybernetic wolfthing with trillions of bodies across the multiverse all subliminally linked to the same consciousness!

[–] Grail@multiverse.soulism.net 6 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)
[–] wopalopa@lemmy.world 8 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

genie twist. they woke up with a dead body next to them

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[–] testaccount789@sh.itjust.works 5 points 9 hours ago

Does it include superpowers?

[–] MutantTailThing@lemmy.world 23 points 14 hours ago (2 children)

What if everyone gets the body they really want but it ends up in the trunk of your car instead?

[–] bizarroland@lemmy.world 4 points 5 hours ago

Found the genie

[–] wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 19 points 13 hours ago

I know what I want then

CEOs: audible gulp

[–] justsomeguy@lemmy.world 16 points 13 hours ago (3 children)

wake up as an apache attack helicopter

Yes, yeeees, YEEEEEEES! BRATATATATATATA

[–] yakko@feddit.uk 25 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

Dude condemns himself to starving during a global fuel supply crisis for the sake of a decades old joke, news at 11

[–] justsomeguy@lemmy.world 17 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

I'm sorry I can't hear you over my M230 30mm Chain Guns

[–] okwhateverdude@lemmy.world 7 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Give it a minute or two. After you piss away the ammo and see the sticker shock to re-up, it will be nice and quiet.

[–] justsomeguy@lemmy.world 4 points 5 hours ago

I like that you guys assume after I wake up as an attack helicopter I'd just go to my regular day job and then get overwhelmed with my new grocery bill.

Oh no, I can't fit through my apartment door and my rotors keep shredding through my jackets.

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[–] wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 11 points 13 hours ago (4 children)

OwO I get to be a winged hybrid wolf-tiger-fox, with an 11" knotted and barbed cock? And I get to pound my furry friends as their fursona too? I'd actually get a career that I love, while it not feeling like work at all, having submissive cuties ride me like the bull I am? Hell yes.

[–] RVGamer06@sh.itjust.works 4 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Do you have any depiction of how such a cutie creature would look? For scientific purposes, of course

[–] wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 1 points 38 minutes ago

It could be anything, but I'm basic and those around me that I have had the pleasure of pouncing on are furry, mostly vulpines, canines, felines, and dragons. And while I initially prefer slender males and androgynous individuals, I am also demi and so anyone who catches my attention and interest can be considered cute.

My only 'requirement' I guess you can call it is bring a fur... Though that isn't an absolute. But I haven't dated or got freaky with anyone not furry in 20 years. The bubble of the fandom, while small, is far more welcoming than the general population.

But a mostly-naughty 'ideal' cutie? Slender, male(ish, maybe), rather hung, uncut, geeky, loves cuddling, loves getting freaky frequently, shares a couple of my interests (automotive, tech, drones, finances...), is sweet and affectionate but can be assertive and commanding when we are alone (I have a service top thing now and then), is okay with bringing others into our bedroom (not a ton, but some), and doesn't mind my baggage (disabled, emotional scars, trust issues, horrendous self-confidence). Basically, an intelligent and good looking guy* who I share both ideas and projects, as well as bodily fluids with, and that I can fall asleep with feelings safe and genuinely cared for (sharing the same, of course). I don't feel like I have a lot to give (my master says otherwise, but) but if I get attached I'll give them the world, as much as I can.

That's what I look for in my 'cuties' :3

[–] CheesyFox@lemmy.sdf.org 5 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Knotted i get, but barbed? Even jerking off would be uncomfortable!

[–] wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world 1 points 1 hour ago

Nah, barbs are similar to the system of an erection. It's not so firm that you become a living sword, so you have enough give for it to be a nice experience. And barbs are usually much smaller than art depicts.

I used to date a tiger for a few years (hence the tiger hybrid addition, lots of wonderful memories that I wanted to encapsulate) and so I have it on very good authority how they feel ;3. Also I have a huge thing for feline furs, funny how that happens...

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