1. Weed does this. It’s also addictive though so it’s a very figurative double-edged sword imo.
2. I also do a sort of… transactional thing with myself. I can’t seem to relax unless I’ve “earned it” I guess? And sometimes even when I’m “relaxing” I feel like I could be making progress on one thing or another. So if I ever can’t relax because I’m thinking about something that needs to be done it I just… do it… poorly. No follow through. Check work emails but don’t take any action or even mark them as read. Start mowing the lawn but just pick up the yard and make sure the mower starts and has gas. “Do laundry” by dumping all my clothes in a big pile.

Normally any of those tasks would take me hours because I want to do them properly but since it’s relaxing time I just do the bare minimum to get my mind off it. I’ll get back to it later, when it’s time for it.

It sounds counter intuitive but getting shit done is what allows me to relax. If I have a bunch of chores hanging over my head I'm not going to be able to. Even if is cut out a block of time for it. I have to have my shit done first. So the best way is to stay on top of all the laundry and dishes and cleaning so that it doesn't pile up so much, and then there's actually time where I'm "done" with everything and can chill for an afternoon or whatever. This also allows me to occasionally get bored enough to actually want to work on a hobby or project, although I do still struggle with that because most of those wear on me the same way my job does.

I have this problem baaad and aside from what others have suggested, exercise is always the key aspect for me. A quick 20-30 minute run can work wonders. My psych told me this is a very effective and simple solution that works for many ADHD folks.

The nagging need to be doing something may very well be some comobid anxiety. Isn't that fun?

What helps me relax is having time scheduled specifically for nothing, or "unproductive time," where I can let my mind can just function on autopilot. Maybe I'll decide to read, or play a game, or cook an elaborate meal, or go for a run. Whatever pops up, for as long as I feel like doing it. What's important is scheduling the downtime so that you can consider it its own task and you're less tempted to go be "productive." You can try it medicated or not, I've had success with the method both ways.

oh my fffing god those are most of the thoughts and dilemmas that analyze-paralyze me

i feel like shit whether i do or don't 🤦🏾‍♀️

I'm not really succeeding in getting past it. but the only tip i can maybe give is what my therapist said:

try to do something small, one time then take a break. then again, something small, take a break. repeat

anti anxiety med (gabapentin) also help me reduce the mental hurdle of starting things.

i hope you can find what works for you

So obviously it might be a medication/dosage issue, we'll take that as considered.

If you're new to medication you might find that you have problems like you describe not because of the medication exactly, but the way you're used to regulating yourself is maladaptive, and coming out as the need to be doing things.

It's obscenely common for people with ADHD to get by with anxiety or unhealthy thinking patterns replacing the neurotypical drive to do things. This works for a time, but now you have the ability to actually do things, you feel like you need to do them ALL THE TIME, because you're actually capable of that now. But that comes with a nasty cost, which it sounds like you're well aware of.

It might be worth spending time with yourself to relearn how to relax whilst medicated, how to keep in contact with your body and energy levels. A psychologist might be helpful if that's an option for you. It's also important to maintain regular usage of what medication you're using at the time, as you'll need to let your body become used to it. It takes some effort, some getting in touch with yourself, some honestly about what you and your body needs, but it's very possible to achieve a balance between productivity and health.

Also, remember to be gentle with yourself. You're adjusting to what is widely considered to be a disability, it's not fair to expect perfection from yourself. Just keep attempting it over time, you'll get there.

I don’t have all the answers. Not even close. One thing that works, but takes time, is using the meds to build the “good” habits that you want to have. After a while, I’ve been able to do some of things I used to find impossible without needing to take Adderall first. Initiating the task is still the most challenging thing for me I think. You’re not alone in this struggle though. I totally saw myself in what you wrote. I can say it’s not like that every day for me; some days are better than others. I would totally be down to talk through any of this if you are ever so inclined, or even if you are in the moment and need some feedback. I got diagnosed like 3 years ago, and it has been quite a ride so far.

For me, as bad as it sounds, it's gotta be scheduled and that schedule's gotta have strict boundaries. My drive to get things done has been a problem lately, but I might be an extreme example because I just unlocked my life this year between Adderall, ADHD strategies, and trauma therapy.

If it's during the day, full-on relaxation is generally only during a 20-minute yoga routine. Otherwise, it's after my hard stop time for the day or it's on a day off. Change of venue really helps, too.

You could try a different dose, or a different type of medication.

I found Vyvanse only minimally helpful, while Ritalin (long acting) was much better. Other people have reported the opposite.
I've also found that the minimum dose is enough to help, and going higher negatively affects my sleep more than the higher dose helps.

Unfortunately I don't have a solution to the hobbies. I'm still cycling through them, on or off meds.